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Unfortunate Lover (Free verse) by elderking Unfortunate lover,
your arrival came late.
My winter approaches
and there's no time to wait.
Had you been fortunate,
sweet love of mine,
you would have loved me
in an earlier time.
It doesn't seem fair,
my youth never seen.
You should have been there,
to love me long, tan and lean.
Still you're unmindful,
as kisses land sweet,
upon deepened laugh lines
and tracks of crow's feet.
Winter can't be all bad
within your embrace;
your loving softens
time's signs on my face.
Up the ladder:
Cancer
Down the ladder:
Nowhere Land
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: January 24, 2006 9:17 PM PST; Last modified: January 24, 2006 9:17 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.1490035 Overall Rank: 5302 Comments:
"Don't stand. Don't stand so close to me."
I'm feeling dense...I'm sorry I don't get what you mean.
Don't Stand So Close To Me (The Police)
Young teacher, the subject Of schoolgirl fantasy She wants him so badly Knows what she wants to be Inside her there's longing This girl's an open page Book marking she's so close now This girl is half his age Don't stand, don't stand so Don't stand so close to me Her friends are so jealous You know how bad girls get Sometimes it's not so easy To be the teacher's pet Temptation, frustration So bad it makes him cry Wet bus stop, she's waiting His car is warm and dry Don't stand, don't stand so Don't stand so close to me Loose talk in the classroom To hurt they try and try Strong words in the staffroom The accusations fly It's no use, he sees her He starts to shake and cough Just like the old man in That book by Nabokov Don't stand, don't stand so Don't stand so close to me...
Yes, I feel it. I feel your part, or the part of your old man in the poem. "your arrival came too late" could be just "you came too late" I think. I love when I feel a poet knows what he's portraying, and I love this.
Thank you, Dovina...I wrote this piece just before I ventured back out into the "dating" world again after a good decade's abscence. And who I percieved myself to be at 40 compared to myself at 50 seemed to be 2 entirely different animals.
This is very sweet. And I'd venture to guess a common experience these days. All the woman I know who are married are married to younger men. You portray your feelings so sweetly that I was left feeling- "I know why he loves her". Would your younger self have been able to appreciate this relationship as you do now ? It's wonderful when a poem has a hidden dimension tucked into it. I'm sure it's un-intentional but it's there.
the last line in the 2nd stanza- You might consider continuing the metaphor of seasons representing ages, and instead of the adj. 'earlier' try 'spring' or 'summer'etc... The first line of the last stanza- This is a tiny thing but I think saying "won't" instead of "can't" sounds more certain, and that shows the woman in the poem accepting herself and the fact that this man loves her as is. Also in this stanza you mix tenses slightly. The 3rd line would reflect better on the 1st with 'your love will soften'
I thank you for your suggestions and comments.
As for my younger self...no, she didn't have a clue :>)! 205 view(s)
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Thanks again