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Unfortunate Lover (Free verse) by elderking

Unfortunate lover, your arrival came late. My winter approaches and there's no time to wait. Had you been fortunate, sweet love of mine, you would have loved me in an earlier time. It doesn't seem fair, my youth never seen. You should have been there, to love me long, tan and lean. Still you're unmindful, as kisses land sweet, upon deepened laugh lines and tracks of crow's feet. Winter can't be all bad within your embrace; your loving softens time's signs on my face.

god'swife 25-Jan-06/7:01 PM
This is very sweet. And I'd venture to guess a common experience these days. All the woman I know who are married are married to younger men. You portray your feelings so sweetly that I was left feeling- "I know why he loves her". Would your younger self have been able to appreciate this relationship as you do now ? It's wonderful when a poem has a hidden dimension tucked into it. I'm sure it's un-intentional but it's there.

the last line in the 2nd stanza- You might consider continuing the metaphor of seasons representing ages, and instead of the adj. 'earlier' try 'spring'
or 'summer'etc...

The first line of the last stanza- This is a tiny thing but I think saying "won't" instead of "can't" sounds more certain, and that shows the woman in the poem accepting herself and the fact that this man loves her as is. Also in this stanza you mix tenses slightly. The 3rd line would reflect better on the 1st with 'your love will soften'





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