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A moment, homeward (Free verse) by ecargo The call compels the course:
a thousand crows pulse a skyway pale
and fading with the day's failing,
caught fast in winter's thrall.
To river, bound in winter's keeping,
a thousand crows, stark, shadow the snow,
leaf bereft trees with their landing,
while river stands white,
locked in stillness below.
To river, to river, the crows careen,
streaming in answer through the ice-green air,
and though the cold speeds me, too, homeward,
I can only stand and stare.
Up the ladder:
Ambiguous Love Poem For A Girl I Once Knew
Down the ladder:
she wonders,
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.375
Posted: January 23, 2006 5:00 PM PST; Last modified: January 23, 2006 5:00 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.1766186 Overall Rank: 1018 Comments:
[9]
zodiac @ 209.193.9.154
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23-Jan-06/5:54 PM
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Reply
Not bad.
A frosty feel to it in two ways.
You've inspired me to write a haiku. A 10 for doing the impossible.
The last two lines in stanza 2 throw the rhythm off a little. I think "stands, locked and stillness" pretty much say the same thing so you could probably get away with losing one or two of those words and making the last two lines one. But let me know if you had a specific reason for those two lines and I'll change my mind.
Sonnet like and an eye debut from you to me. Good first impression
It's a good piece. Well written and has some good stuff too. I was taken aback by the 'crows'. I had never pictured 'crows' with snow, as we have hoardes of them here where its pretty hot. The last verse is beautiful. Reminded of the 'solitary reaper' - william wordsworth.
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