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The Deep End (Free verse) by drnick
Reluctantly, I followed you in I watched as the water rose above Losing sight of things most common Hesitant, as my head lay upon the surface You pull me under and I struggle Desperately grabbing at the air, water Anything that can take me back The soft light glimmers as a star Until it succumbs to a similar fate Like everything else I once knew I'm lost down here, but familiar Is your guiding hand Calming me, easing my resistance Telling me it is alright And as I loose strength and consciousness All I know Is that this is surely the end Of who I was.

Up the ladder: The Beginning
Down the ladder: your worth to me

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Weighted score: 5.0397344
Overall Rank: 7061
Posted: January 17, 2006 6:12 PM PST; Last modified: January 17, 2006 6:12 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] Dovina @ 17.255.240.138 | 18-Jan-06/11:11 AM | Reply
I love following someone whom I trust into danger. For better or worse, til death . . .etc. You've caught this well. Leave out "in" in Line 1.
[7] zodiac @ 209.193.14.236 | 19-Jan-06/2:15 PM | Reply
It's generally not a good idea to give your poem the same name as a movie, good or bad, similar or not. Also, loose should be lose.
[n/a] drnick @ 24.176.22.254 > zodiac | 19-Jan-06/3:04 PM | Reply
It's nearly impossible to come up with an original title with the amount of pieces out now...it's only a title anyways. Right you are, I'm terrible with grammar.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > drnick | 19-Jan-06/3:29 PM | Reply
Your current title has a 26.3% chance of being a best seller.
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