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a week off (Free verse) by hendrimike
a child built a fortress a castle by the shore on the beach he sat, creating his soul washed on to the rain aboard that ship that sailed away he missed his calling he can't keep falling a place that he felt safe a place to where once more the waves came a crashin' the world's ocean came his walls could not hold back cresting and breaking it finally happened an angry lonely kid disgraced and trapped in walking and collecting he became what he could only sustain seashells now dry he became what the ocean could claim no more none listen to the world hate he is now apart of the world he knew of and a life he grew up he took a part of the beach and he just sat he sleeps along by the shore against the high tide walls of sand became broken down with the he fled though he tried to be the good king of the world that he made his kingdom had failed his truth became fake he couldn't let go of the life that he'd made so he watched as it all washed away with the waves it was time to go truth youth beauty you'll see eventually we'll be taken down a lonely frown a life torn down we'd have seen you around when a wave made a sound and your life crashes down and your left like a clown a jester in a circus to you, you seemed worthless you've becom indulgent and we heard the sound of the beach far away distant and affraid we were kings for a day we had a week off but we went home to sing and what we found there was more than a string of disbelief that we hoped would be a short note although they had more of a kingdom so pure a prophecy realized righteousness from my eyes and the love was gone this was the last time he said so long the horizon becomes the sunlights throne orange purple red and gold these are the colors our childhood told


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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8643
Posted: January 18, 2006 3:15 PM PST; Last modified: January 21, 2006 4:45 AM PST
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Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 19-Jan-06/9:49 AM | Reply
"footprints left for years to come" enigmatically true.
[6] Dovina @ 17.255.240.138 > Dovina | 21-Jan-06/10:53 AM | Reply
Even though you removed my favorite line, I think that overall this is an improvement. Check the spelling.
[6] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 19-Jan-06/12:12 PM | Reply
I bet the original version of this poem was even centered on the page.
[8] cyan9 @ 81.6.231.161 | 19-Jan-06/3:11 PM | Reply
"the horizon becomes the sunlights throne, orange purple red and gold" are very good lines, I thought this was simple and nice, and probobally deserved more than some of the votes its been given.
[8] zodiac @ 209.193.9.154 | 23-Jan-06/5:55 PM | Reply
Don't double space. We're not that kind of grading.
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