| Re: GOD'S MOST WONDERFUL CREATION by iowajerms |
14-Aug-08/3:52 PM |
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| Re: Social Studies is for MORANS!! by T. Jonathron Remp |
14-Aug-08/3:54 PM |
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Swallow it, you idiot! It's what you really want
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| Re: Billy Collins by INTRANSIT |
14-Aug-08/3:55 PM |
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My name is not Billy Collins
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| Re: SWF seeks SWM by Bethy |
4-Sep-08/10:08 AM |
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Great, been there, usually ends like this. A good description
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| Re: Gadgets and Poems by Dovina |
6-Sep-08/6:24 AM |
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Two male votes for the carpetâs rise as opener. Intriguing, vague and suggestive, yes. But to say this scrawl is better than "Rancor" - well, please reconsider.
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| Re: Suicide Note [Disposal Instructions Included] by SupremeDreamer |
6-Sep-08/6:31 AM |
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The whole thing is melodramatic, not just knives and razors, a teenie kinda pimple. I expect better from street folks. Not that the execution is bad, or the titanium quill rusty, just the nonsense of the whole idea.
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| Re: :: snowsounds by elementalidad |
6-Sep-08/6:34 AM |
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not bad, just that the harness of 575, like corsets, is too restricting and unnecessary even in haiku and church.
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| Re: :: chameleon by elementalidad |
6-Sep-08/6:36 AM |
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yep, another 575 haiku, straight laced and proper. It needs an "a" to begin Line 2.
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| Re: :: a stroll by elementalidad |
6-Sep-08/6:38 AM |
prefer ice to frost
drop "the" before grass
lose the !
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| Re: BEHIND HIS BOWED HEAD by iowajerms |
6-Sep-08/6:43 AM |
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SuperDreamer has done you well. Ideas are better than poetry, so you've got the good part done
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| Re: night owl (4) by elementalidad |
28-Sep-08/7:45 PM |
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you could leave out - but. Makes it more open, seems
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| Re: Beauty? by Celticai |
5-Oct-08/1:59 PM |
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Why is primping fake. Too many women take this absurd approach; they go out looking like boys. My soul is not even approachable if my hair is a rat's nest and my lips look like Tom McCain's.
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| Re: Lover by Bethy |
5-Oct-08/2:03 PM |
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wow, what a dream! Tell me how to dream this way. Or am I wrong?
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| Re: my sweet by darylchew |
6-Oct-08/4:46 PM |
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And I'll whisper back, You ugly piece of selfish flesh
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| Re: The Story of Wallace, Janey and Norman by Bethy |
6-Oct-08/4:52 PM |
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it sounds true. I don't care if it's not. The meter is mostly so good that the odd lines stand out. Is there a reason for threw, not through, used throughout?
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| Re: Amazing Grace ~ for all bass drummers ;) by Celticai |
6-Oct-08/4:56 PM |
I'd leave out the yes's only because it sounds more like a drum without them. Most of the lines have a drum beat, but a few don't, like "Overlaid with the haunting tones of the pipes" Not that they all have to, but it would be nice.
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| Re: Words by Celticai |
15-Oct-08/11:06 AM |
You seem groping for the perfect set of words. Much luck! Starting with a cliche is not a good start. "Desperate to portray my mind" is.
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| Re: Sleeping Beauty by celticskatermatt1 |
15-Oct-08/11:19 AM |
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Clearly you love her, but clearly too cliched and unedited for posting. Cheers
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| Re: Him, again and again... by hobojo |
15-Oct-08/11:25 AM |
a bit too wordy. example: For I truly had the best of intentions - can be something like: I meant well.
I think "him" and "you" are the same person.
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| Re: a clover or two by T. Jonathron Remp |
19-Oct-08/11:39 AM |
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funny, could make the last 5 words a new line
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