night owl (4)

by elementalidad

Member since 2008 · Posted 26 Sep 2008 · 4 comments

lay man prays but quietly hates the next day

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2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] elementalidad 26-Sep-08/5:25 PM Reply

bethy, your comment sparked me. thanks.

[9] Bethy 26-Sep-08/5:33 PM Reply

very good...I have never really been a big fan of Senryu, however, you make it easy to like.

[8] Dovina 28-Sep-08/7:45 PM Reply

you could leave out - but. Makes it more open, seems

[n/a] elementalidad 29-Sep-08/6:38 AM Reply

i suppose i could nip the but, however I think I'd have to either change the tense of "quietly hates" accordingly or insert a forced pause (-) after prays to make sense in english, no? what do you think?

lay man prays-
quietly hates
the next day

lay man prays
quietly hating
the next day