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night owl (4) (Senryu) by elementalidad lay man prays
but quietly hates
the next day
Up the ladder:
Cinder Mint Disaster Garden
Down the ladder:
Time please Ladies and Gentleman (+Dovina)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.5
Posted: September 26, 2008 5:25 PM PDT; Last modified: September 26, 2008 5:25 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.1659904 Overall Rank: 5087 Comments:
[n/a]
elementalidad @ 190.154.63.211
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26-Sep-08/5:25 PM
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Reply
bethy, your comment sparked me. thanks.
very good...I have never really been a big fan of Senryu, however, you make it easy to like.
you could leave out - but. Makes it more open, seems
i suppose i could nip the but, however I think I'd have to either change the tense of "quietly hates" accordingly or insert a forced pause (-) after prays to make sense in english, no? what do you think?
lay man prays- quietly hates the next day lay man prays quietly hating the next day 154 view(s)
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