Re: Deliberate Exclusion by MacFrantic	1-Sep-06/12:13 PM
This "Prose Poem" is too vague and lacks punch. Apparently her shameful obsequiousness is the narrator's objection. Why not make that clearly poignant?
Re: Covet by creepshow	1-Sep-06/12:15 PM
Creepy. The title is bland.
Re: Let this world crumble to dust without you by A_Dark_Calm	3-Sep-06/5:23 PM
"Be with me, my wife, and I shall have a universe of life." What more could I ask. The rest of the poem does drag on a bit though.
Re: Exposing Anne Frank by Caducus	4-Sep-06/4:14 PM
You have arroused me to wish I had time to read Anne Frank's diary. Maybe someday I will.
Re: a day of reparations by peaceseeker	4-Sep-06/6:42 PM
You were done an injustice back in December. This is really good, and it was discarded as lesser poems were praised. "dignified behind the line you drew" is great.
Re: Singing by ThereseWaneck	4-Sep-06/6:46 PM
I like the flow of this, but think some of the straight lines (lines that don't end in "in'") could be be shortened or made light: Thunder drums Lightening strikes An instrumental sweep
Re: Flour by MacFrantic	6-Sep-06/2:59 PM
Yeah, I've been to those headstones, and seen that flour on her face. I've felt a mind crwoded with those thoughts. But I think the funky line ends and punctuation are attempst to shourd the impossible thing to say in poetic mystery, and it's easily seen through.
Re: Once they were gliders. by half.italian	9-Sep-06/4:41 PM
On first read I knew what this meant. Now after three reads I have no idea.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Sep-06/4:21 PM
The first verse is sadly marvelous. Then it goes into details that confuse and degrade the good beginning, in my opinion. The last verse gets back into it, but it's choppy, compared to the first verse.
Re: The Natural Course of Fear by half.italian	10-Sep-06/4:22 PM
Skeins of yarn are not parallel. Skeins of birds do not run up and down. It must be a sequence of events which run up and down,as opposed to something. ????
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Sep-06/4:24 PM
Pretty good.
Re: weather poem part 9: song for gloria by nypoet22	10-Sep-06/6:34 PM
I wonder why you present these parts from the last, working toward the first, and why they are written in different styles, united as you say, by the theme of weather. All of them, up to this point, have some good lines, but I believe I'd do better in following your theme if the intro part were given first.
Re: weather poem part 12: a dream by nypoet22	10-Sep-06/6:38 PM
Now that I've read parts 9-11 of your weather series, I see how this can be a great ending, especially the last verse.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Sep-06/7:18 AM
This is better than your others in my opinion. Still, you'd do better to avoid the telling introductory line - Line 2, and the point you want to prove, expressed in the rest of Verse 1. I'd begin with Verse 2, and change the title to something like, "Crest." The last two lines change the theme a bit, and are better left out - again my opinion.
Re: To be alive by nightowl	14-Sep-06/11:32 AM
A greeting card kind of poem. It seems too oversaid to be impressive.
Re: weather poem part 8: stating the obvious by nypoet22	14-Sep-06/11:36 AM
Line 2 seems grammically wrong, otherwise great.
Re: Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer	14-Sep-06/7:58 PM
There’s something about a man writing his own story, honestly and as he sees it, that comes across uninteresting. We want the twist of phrase, the poetry, the stimulating possibilities. We don’t want what’s actually there. You gave us poetry with “dark inebriated sleep,” but took, for the most part the known road. Good job.
Re: don't touch me 2 by elderking	15-Sep-06/10:10 AM
There's just enough here to show an unclear scene. Only one thing I would omit: "from willful hand," because it's repeat as far as I can tell. You might want to let us in on a little more of what's going on.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Sep-06/10:14 AM
I think it would be more compelling and less arogant-sounding, to show this scene from a narrator's viewpoint. Also, the repeating "this man" and "that man" could be just him or he.
Re: Week End Justification by half.italian	16-Sep-06/10:50 AM
"Sordid pleasures fly tipsy on my tongue, but there is no one to hear. Only hollow ears would only see words." Yep, that pretty much says it.