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Flour (Free verse) by MacFrantic A slender hand rests on the grave between
headstones near and far
. It is here I
pause to construct my feelings
--to bury
something tangible
, terrible
. Is she dead
?
Perhaps she is powder white to
hide her rosy demeanor
. Perhaps she is deader
than ever
...my mind is a crowded one
. Perhaps it's the flour
she wears to catch her tears.
Up the ladder:
metadata
Down the ladder:
Checkmate
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: September 6, 2006 2:01 PM PDT; Last modified: September 6, 2006 2:01 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5839 Comments:
[7]
Dovina @ 12.72.42.240
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6-Sep-06/2:59 PM
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Reply
Yeah, I've been to those headstones, and seen that flour on her face. I've felt a mind crwoded with those thoughts. But I think the funky line ends and punctuation are attempst to shourd the impossible thing to say in poetic mystery, and it's easily seen through.
[9]
nypoet22 @ 70.149.108.201
> Dovina
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9-Sep-06/1:51 PM
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Reply
i like the funky punctuation. it changes the way i read, and i think the meaning as well.
I love it. But at the same time the punctuation pisses me off. I don't think it adds anything more than a few characters in length.
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