Poemranker [Poem: weather poem part 8: stating the obvious] [by nypoet22] Fri Apr 26 12:43:23 PDT 2024

[8] Dovina @ 12.72.42.250 | 14-Sep-06/11:36 AM | Reply

Line 2 seems grammically wrong, otherwise great.

[n/a] nypoet22 @ 65.9.114.211 > Dovina | 14-Sep-06/3:40 PM | Reply

"Everyone mentions the weather, sweats out their pores when the thermostat rises." what's wrong about it?

[n/a] zodiac @ 152.18.33.195 > nypoet22 | 14-Sep-06/4:38 PM | Reply

For one thing, don't you mean the temperature or the thermometer rises? The thermostat is that thing you turn up to turn on the furnace, right?

[n/a] nypoet22 @ 65.9.114.211 > zodiac | 14-Sep-06/6:28 PM | Reply

in most non-tropical households the thermostat has a timer. during the cold months most people set it low for night when people are in their beds and back high for the morning. that's when i meant. anyhow, that would be a non-grammatical error, so i don't think it's what the original comment meant.

[n/a] zodiac @ 152.18.33.196 > nypoet22 | 15-Sep-06/5:46 AM | Reply

You don't know Dovina. It could very well be. She could have meant that 'rise' is an awkward verb to use for something that people 'raise.'

Anyway, "when the thermostat rises" is not a very useful or evocative expression. It takes me out of the flow of the poem, while I think, "while the thermostat rises? What the hey?" I would just consider saying temperature, mercury, or something else that rises.

[n/a] zodiac @ 152.18.33.196 > zodiac | 15-Sep-06/5:48 AM | Reply

I see now that she meant something totally different. C'est la vie. I'll stop meddling.

[n/a] nypoet22 @ 65.9.114.211 > zodiac | 15-Sep-06/1:31 PM | Reply

no no, i like meddling. hmm, when the thermostat RAISES? That would be a change that wouldn't bother me much. would it satisfy your concern?

[n/a] zodiac @ 152.18.22.205 > nypoet22 | 15-Sep-06/2:58 PM | Reply

No, I'm afraid not. You might just save 'thermostat' for another poem. Or find a way to make it more sensible and evocative.

[n/a] nypoet22 @ 65.9.114.211 > zodiac | 18-Sep-06/1:49 PM | Reply

interesting commentary, thank you for your input. i'm considering adding a stanza after that one to clarify. we'll see how it goes.

[8] Dovina @ 12.72.43.180 > nypoet22 | 14-Sep-06/7:15 PM | Reply

Since some of the lines begin with capital letters, we must assume those are the beginnings of sentences. Hence the pseudo-sentence: âSweats out their pores when the thermostat rises.â

I have tried all means of avoiding agreement with zodiac, and though he worded it clumsily, high temperature causes sweat; a thermostat setting may or may not, and does so only indirectly.

[n/a] Ranger @ 86.131.48.32 > Dovina | 14-Sep-06/10:08 PM | Reply

Aah, you two are so cute sometimes...

I don't see the problem with line two - the thermostat does rise of its own accord when set to, and he doesn't say 'sweats out their pores *directly because* the thermostat rises'. Thermostat goes up, temperature goes up, people get hot, people sweat. As for it being a sentence in its own right, again that's not a problem. In this context it's not a standalone sentence - starting with 'Sweats' in this case means it refers back to the previous sentence for the subject (everybody). Splitting the whole phrase into two seperate sentences removes the need for the conjuncion [and] as well as for punctuation.