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weather poem part 8: stating the obvious (Other) by nypoet22 Everyone mentions the weather
Sweats out their pores when the thermostat rises
The waking from a morning sleep
Each day fighting the finality of it
All screaming to wake the others
To capture the strolling of earth and heaven
Tumbled like clothes in the dryer
Turning, these moments well up tears in my eyes
the corner of my bloodshot eye
from there i catch a rare glance at yours, downcast
Up the ladder:
Going Camping
Down the ladder:
Dear Will,
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: September 13, 2006 2:30 PM PDT; Last modified: September 13, 2006 2:30 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9525743 Overall Rank: 8871 Comments:
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Anyway, "when the thermostat rises" is not a very useful or evocative expression. It takes me out of the flow of the poem, while I think, "while the thermostat rises? What the hey?" I would just consider saying temperature, mercury, or something else that rises.
I have tried all means of avoiding agreement with zodiac, and though he worded it clumsily, high temperature causes sweat; a thermostat setting may or may not, and does so only indirectly.
I don't see the problem with line two - the thermostat does rise of its own accord when set to, and he doesn't say 'sweats out their pores *directly because* the thermostat rises'. Thermostat goes up, temperature goes up, people get hot, people sweat. As for it being a sentence in its own right, again that's not a problem. In this context it's not a standalone sentence - starting with 'Sweats' in this case means it refers back to the previous sentence for the subject (everybody). Splitting the whole phrase into two seperate sentences removes the need for the conjuncion [and] as well as for punctuation.