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weather poem part 8: stating the obvious (Other) by nypoet22

Everyone mentions the weather Sweats out their pores when the thermostat rises The waking from a morning sleep Each day fighting the finality of it All screaming to wake the others To capture the strolling of earth and heaven Tumbled like clothes in the dryer Turning, these moments well up tears in my eyes the corner of my bloodshot eye from there i catch a rare glance at yours, downcast

zodiac 15-Sep-06/5:46 AM
You don't know Dovina. It could very well be. She could have meant that 'rise' is an awkward verb to use for something that people 'raise.'

Anyway, "when the thermostat rises" is not a very useful or evocative expression. It takes me out of the flow of the poem, while I think, "while the thermostat rises? What the hey?" I would just consider saying temperature, mercury, or something else that rises.




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