Re: Lost Forever by Freethinker1602	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/6:12 AM
Hmm...this is the best of your recent ones, to be sure. I think it would work better if you used 'I' less frequently, and maybe put into prose form. It's a bit disjointed at the moment. Also, I do like the start, not being able to bring yourself to contemplate his death, you should try to emphasise that a bit more. Let me know if you edit this one, I'd like to see how it turns out.
Re: a comment on Just Shut Up! Everyone Just Shut Up! by MacFrantic	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Jan-06/5:44 AM
This is who he is, enjoy: http://www.poemranker.com/user-browse.jsp?id=67896 http://rockmage.com/
Re: For such is a child’s heart by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Jan-06/5:34 AM
Change the first line to: "The children play in the field."
Re: a comment on Us Sinners by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	29-Jan-06/5:27 AM
You count the syllables not the words. In/ hea/ven. I/ just/ hope/ that/ 1----2---3---4---5-----6------7 Zodiac won't go to heaven or hell. He'll just die, as all atheists do. You'll recognise me when you get to heaven. I'll be the one God hired to clean the bathrooms.
Re: Us Sinners by BrandonW	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Jan-06/4:49 AM
Isn't this supposed to be a 5-7-5 count... I see it as a 5-6-5 count. am I missing something? About the haiku, one thing I have noticed, though, is that although in daily life we have nothing to do with God, he has found ways of getting attention...and Brandon you are one of his many media. Ignore Him more and He will find ways of making many think about Him. Now for the next part..... I really wonder if it would be a good scene in heaven....having zodiac and dovina together with the rest of us poemrankers. Afterall, hell has had enough of them, from how I see it.
Re: Potential by Christof	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/4:31 AM
Nice! I still think your poem 'Instructions to a Sculptor' should be #1...
Re: My testament to free speech by Glasseyez	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/4:15 AM
'Of shit and lies'...turns me off straight away...there's some good content here (without delving into a discussion of universal outlooks) but I'd like to see it edited first. 6 for now, although after a reworking it'll be worth more.
Re: the sweet smell of death by pollywolly	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Jan-06/4:14 AM
I must say, you are so pessimistic, like you have no hope in life....uck! Forgive me, but somehow, I don't seem to like your taste. You might not see me reviewing much of your poems, though I'd like to see some life in them, so please don't be disappointed.
Re: After Rain by Niphredil	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/4:09 AM
Yes, I'd agree with zodiac here. You work the rhyme very well and the rhythm is fairly constant - although 'finally' in line 3 is tricky; I'm torn between giving this a 7 and an 8, 8 for now I think as I'm in a good mood, but this is well worth an edit and I'll be sure to check it again.
Re: calanais by pollywolly	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Jan-06/4:06 AM
Not my idea of a theme. Doesn't appeal to me. Sorry.
Re: Sunday Legs by D. $ Fontera	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/4:02 AM
Very sexy, made me think of movie stars.
Re: a comment on Hailing Miriam by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/4:00 AM
I wanted something rich and slightly exotic whilst not being overly cliched...just a bit of inventive improvisation, that's all.
Re: Just Shut Up! Everyone Just Shut Up! by MacFrantic	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Jan-06/3:58 AM
By the way, I wonder who this freak is - voting a -0- without commenting, on quite a lot of poems, one after another. I couldn't help but notice it, and was curious to know why. You have a rival.....pass him on to me.... he needs a dose of some 'happy pills'. that said, your piece is pretty good, considering you want to describe relatives the way you did. My point however would be the title.... "an ode to my Idiotic Relatives". Might not make a difference, but that's what I felt as soon as I read it. Just a matter of opinion!
Re: For such is a child’s heart by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/3:58 AM
Personally I'd change the first line, give it a little more lyricism; this is a nice enough piece, but read out loud it is somewhat too bulky (for me, anyway). There's definitely potential here, I just feel it needs a couple of edits while being read aloud.
Re: a comment on Our Marriage by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/3:54 AM
Ah, well I'm hoping that I've got time enough for that yet!
Re: Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/3:51 AM
I found it odd that the sparrows should chant above the priestess, is that done deliberately? A good poem, although it felt like there was another verse waiting to be written.
Re: Hailing Miriam by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Jan-06/3:49 AM
Quite a nice piece. As for tortoiseshell laugh, thats a new one for me.... insight needed.
Re: Racial Hate by Glasseyez	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Jan-06/3:43 AM
a) Blood is blue when starved of oxygen, and white blood cells are white (okay, you want to kill me now) b) I think it would work more effectively in prose form
Re: Sunday Legs by D. $ Fontera	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Jan-06/1:01 AM
Who are you writing about? must be one somebody to inspire you so. Good for you.
Re: Arab Shepherd (a belief poem for Dovina) by zodiac	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Jan-06/12:51 AM
I like this but the better part is the title which is accurately and pin-pointedly attention seeking.You definitely got her to read your piece. Congrats.