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Just Shut Up! Everyone Just Shut Up! (Ode) by MacFrantic or "An Ode to My Idiot Relatives"
Oh how your creeping
Meatballism sings to me
A chorus of many dunces
United in brazen melody
What for has this arisen
That we should not share
An affinity but of blood
Much less civil than fair
So let us just sit here
Amongst all the guests
And listen to whose
Drunken diatribe sounds best
Up the ladder:
Morning City
Down the ladder:
Let your heart roam free
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.285714
Posted: November 8, 2004 11:47 AM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2004 11:47 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.614723 Overall Rank: 2237 Comments:
[8]
Dovina @ 69.175.6.101
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8-Nov-04/2:24 PM
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Reply
Good, except for the diatribe title and first line. It's better to remain subtle.
I love drunken diatribes. ONly reason to go, really.
I have to give this a 10, just for "meatballism"
By the way, I wonder who this freak is - voting a -0- without commenting, on quite a lot of poems, one after another. I couldn't help but notice it, and was curious to know why. You have a rival.....pass him on to me.... he needs a dose of some 'happy pills'.
that said, your piece is pretty good, considering you want to describe relatives the way you did. My point however would be the title.... "an ode to my Idiotic Relatives". Might not make a difference, but that's what I felt as soon as I read it. Just a matter of opinion! 202 view(s)
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