| Re: Plastic Posies by BleedingRose |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
16-May-06/4:44 AM |
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This is damn funny, there are a few rhythmic inconsistencies but if they were ironed out this would be excellent. And for the first time in years I don't mind the rhyme of heart/part, for that you get bonus points.
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| Re: a comment on Cupid Missed Two Junkies (slightly clearer, rambling draft) by Ranger |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
16-May-06/4:34 AM |
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Edited, still not happy with it but it'll progress. I plan to take the first stanza and selected lines from elsewhere to make a crucifixion poem too, particularly given what Imp told me about 'tree' also meaning the cross on which Christ died.
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| Re: a comment on Cupid Missed Two Junkies (slightly clearer, rambling draft) by Ranger |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
16-May-06/2:46 AM |
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That's okay, I think this one will evolve in gentle stages. I'm really trying to find out how far I can stretch the reader without losing them. As it stands, it's way wide of the mark.
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| Re: The Bleeding Rose by BleedingRose |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/11:10 PM |
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Bleeding Rose, there are quite contridictory ideas coming through. MAybe , you should edit it to either a love mood or to a hate mood. By you mixing the two, we are not sure what you want to emphasise on. Being specific gives you additional points.
And I really wonder who this jerk is, going around giving a zero to all your poems. Maybe he needs a double dose of his own medicine.
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| Re: a comment on Forgiveness by Niphredil |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/11:02 PM |
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Dovina, I'd rather say that, first of all, most people don't ask for forgiveness, or don't want to admit their wrong and sorry. Doing this is a noble act of courage and love.
Niphredil, this is a lovely poem, and I esp like the third verse...'Struggling against each other; strangling each other,
Till nothing more was left but a dull throbbing void.'
You have quite a few good phrases here. Good work!
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| Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/10:52 PM |
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Ha ha ha. This is what I think you would call selective deafness and being paranoid at the same time. Ah yes, scrolling down, I see that my impression has already been impressed upon by others. This is lovely. I wonder how many of us fit into this category. You ofcourse, have qualified.
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| Re: After Rain by Niphredil |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/10:43 PM |
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Lovely. I just have a vague idea of what a sonnetis especially the rhyming scheme, which I think you have stuck to, and apart from that, the content is good. I especially liked the third verse, the line...'A holocaust of car exhaust as brutal boots crashed down'.
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| Re: Nightfall by Niphredil |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/10:31 PM |
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I think this is well written and I especially like the last lines of each stanza, esp. the repetitions.
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| Re: a comment on The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/10:23 PM |
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Edna, I think you aught to give a bit of consideration to the content of the poem, and the depth of emotion related to it, rather than only to nit-picking punctuations.
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| Re: The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/10:19 PM |
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Very heartfelt and beautiful. I'd like it too if there was enough punctuation. And the partial rhyme scheme is distracting. Nevertheless, I think you deserve nothing less than an 8.
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| Re: Cupid Missed Two Junkies (slightly clearer, rambling draft) by Ranger |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/10:08 PM |
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Hi Ranger, truthfully, I still don't get what your poem is about. Having a rough idea is not enough. Sorry to disappoint. I refrain from voting.
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| Re: a comment on A Snap Shot by amanda_dcosta |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
15-May-06/9:57 PM |
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I know what you are trying to say Al. And I know it isn't my best. But when words flow like this one, I believe that it doesn't necessarily have to be my best, and hence I post it. Like everybody else, I too face what is 'writer's block' and am so distracted at the moment as I'm going through my next phase of life.... have to shift from here,where I really love being. Packing up is hard. Maybe I should write some thing about it. May be.
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| Re: With a pithy stroke by D. $ Fontera |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
15-May-06/7:32 PM |
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The last line seems to say the same thing twice, which, in a haiku, is far too many.
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| Re: a comment on George and Samson by Edna Sweetlove |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
15-May-06/5:39 PM |
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And I had the unnerving feeling that you were going to include a line that ended with 'front'. Can't think what you might rhyme it with though...
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| Re: George and Samson by Edna Sweetlove |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
15-May-06/5:36 PM |
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Having just borne witness to your incredible roundup of the limericks on here, the least I can do is leave a comment on one of your poems. And here it is:
This poem is a golden opportunity to rhyme 'Samson' with 'ram some'. I'll leave you to decide what was rammed, and where.
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| Re: ...on the Benefits of Being Ugly by Goad |
Edna Sweetlove 81.178.117.218 |
15-May-06/5:17 PM |
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Good. Original rhyming asnd scansion. talented.
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| Re: Being Called Dave by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
Edna Sweetlove 81.178.117.218 |
15-May-06/5:17 PM |
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| Re: Perversions by razorgrin |
Edna Sweetlove 81.178.117.218 |
15-May-06/5:16 PM |
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I give up.this is rubbish.
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| Re: Perversions 5: Kink vs. Mothra by razorgrin |
Edna Sweetlove 81.178.117.218 |
15-May-06/5:16 PM |
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Not good. Where were you when the humour tablets were handed out?
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| Re: Charles by neurula |
Edna Sweetlove 81.178.117.218 |
15-May-06/5:15 PM |
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