| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
The Bleeding Rose (Free verse) by BleedingRose Petals confined
by transparent wire.
Roots embedded
in the red soaked mire.
Gasping for air,
she twists and she turns.
Old scars opened
by self sharpened thorns.
A blaze she does see
in her darkest of nights.
The fire of her dreams;
such a bright burning light.
And when the flames near,
and then flicker and die,
she watches them fade
without wondering why.
For her inner struggle
has now changed its pace.
Shes been robbed of her will.
Such a long, hard race.
Shes surrendered, and now,
forgetting her needs,
she will wait for the day
she no longer bleeds.
Up the ladder:
respirometrics
Down the ladder:
Neckbrake
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Posted: April 23, 2003 1:51 PM PDT; Last modified: September 20, 2004 8:51 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2086053 Overall Rank: 4443 Comments:
I got a love/hate thing going on with this, hmmm
Any input would be much appreciated. This is still a work in progress but i wanted to post it to see others' opinions.
That's OK! Poemeranker is a great place to share your work and learn more about poemes! It's also a great place to meet other Christians! At poemeranker we welcome poetes from all walks of life! We've even got one poete who's a truck driver! I think his name is INTRANSIT. Obviously he's barely literate, and probably doesn't even know what a kidney is. But that doesn't matter. There's no judgment here. Have a great time at poemeranker!
Vote for me please! (P.S. You're one of the most confusing, ranting, raving, altered-minded people ive seen on this site. Should be great fun!)
I do know what a kidney is. It's a...uh....an....well,Iused to know what a kidney was until I started driving a truck! I'm working on my literacy, be patient. please. I don't want to get top heavy and flip over taking a curve too fast. Poemranker is my twelve-step program to recovery. I'm doing well. Thank you for your concern -=Dark_Angel=-.
My pleasure! I understand your fear about not wanting to become top heavy. Once I went on an all-fat diet for four years. By the end I weighed over 30 stones, and I was literally extremely obese. I had consumed so much butter that my sweat glands no longer produced sweat, but rather an oily secretion whose repulsive stench was rivalled only by its lubricating property. (One of my more tolerable butlers suggested bottling it and selling it as an Curative Ointment. The cheek! I sent him to Peru in a complimentary hamper).
You may no doubt imagine what happened. During the diet I had remained indoors and, naturally, nude, but the ending of my diet coincided with an Exhibition of Mr. Chetwoad's Horrifying Machine in the Crystal Palace, which I was rather eager to attend. Slipping into a tuxedo proved challenging, but the cloth slid so beautifully and easily against my buttered skin that once I had it on, I was in a constant state of sensory arousal. Indeed, I rather feared that I would suddenly begin to writhe on the floor in pleasure during the Exhibition, so I took the precaution of branding my eye with a red-hot spatula and hoping this would balance out the other stimulus; the result was... O Jesu what have I done?
Wow. I've heard that fat is flammable. Good thing no one came too close with a See-Gar.
ha ha ha, awesome.
"hard race." would be better as 'embrace' because well, what in the fuck does confusion and love have to do with racing. There is no race, that's an illusion better left to children that race themselves.
this is about inner restraints not love, but still it is a line that i have thought about revising, thx for the input.
our poetry is always work in progress...but the best thing about poetry..it is our innermost feelings...all in all I would say the poem has redeeming qualities...maybe a little work here and there but still a moving poem
Thank you for the sentiment. Please tell me what you think the next time i revise it. :)
Do you read your own, or have some one read it aloud to you? It's a BIG help if you don't. Sounds a bit repetetive to me. I like the summary.
Thank you for the tip. As for the repetition, it was intended in the first, third, and fifth parts (parts.. i dont know what they are called, stanza, verse, whatever) i shall have to wait until i find a reading buddy to sort out the others. Thx again.
Not too sure what to think, as this my first trip to this wonderful new world, I see the comments are as varied as the so called poets I have perused so far. this should be interesting. I like the idea you started with, but you seem to have lost the momentum before the end, needs a bit of polish, but overall, fairly well done.
Thanks for the comment. Enjoy your time here and remember not to take anybody TOO seriously. :P
I really like that one. Can't explain why....just do :)
The temptation is you or the poem, i a have feeling of happening\s or is it the title that brings the read to such a high....
life is one hell of a bleeding unend, not when for a woman , this is the very sacrifice life demands of her, painful if then love a smokescreen to cool the nerve or fool her away the truth of life is denied and turns a party in the very game of adding to the pains of humanhood, rose never cease the bleed keep the fire for nothing, for poetry to continue the circle of birth to life.
... ... thanks, I think.
I realy love this poem 10/10
The Nuding Hose By The Parson's Nose
Bleeding Rose, there are quite contridictory ideas coming through. MAybe , you should edit it to either a love mood or to a hate mood. By you mixing the two, we are not sure what you want to emphasise on. Being specific gives you additional points.
And I really wonder who this jerk is, going around giving a zero to all your poems. Maybe he needs a double dose of his own medicine. 271 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
still not bad, and mostly better than mine.... bastard