| Re: a comment on Another Date by Dovina |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 79.73.244.71 |
27-Sep-07/4:02 PM |
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So presumably someone like Hulk Hogan. Or Mr T. Oh wait, I get it. They don't have to be physical rocks-- you want an emotional rock. But then Mr T is also an emotional rock. He'd never crumble under emotional pressure because the only emotion he has is one of intense rage. And pity, of course. But only for fools.
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| Re: a comment on Rooster Rape by Dovina |
Dovina 17.255.240.138 |
27-Sep-07/4:01 PM |
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No, but it sounds interesting. Too heavy? How, please?
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| Re: Coyote, The City, and Some Moon by Shardik |
SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104 |
27-Sep-07/1:52 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Pulling the hill (formerly-in response to) by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254 |
26-Sep-07/2:27 PM |
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I agree. It does need some shaping. At least I fixed all the old snafus, eh ?
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| Re: a comment on Master by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254 |
26-Sep-07/2:25 PM |
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Ride? As in- bicycle ride? Holy cow! Bully you !!!
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| Re: Rooster Rape by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254 |
26-Sep-07/2:20 PM |
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Did you rape a truck driver, Dovina ? Shame on you.
I like this but it's too heavy. I'll get back to it though. first read/8
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| Re: Still Life by thetrev |
richa 82.2.211.159 |
26-Sep-07/2:02 PM |
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The first image you are going for is I think light through the bars of a cage. OK I quite like the tattoo but the phrasing is imprecise. The bars do not drape they are passive in their interaction with the light. Next up the he and she, I think I can just about make out they are supposed to be birds if I read further but why obscure that we are dealing with birds in a cage (the cockerel simile confuses rather than elucidates without such important details). 'Beyond the cage, feeling godly,' is just pretentious Dovina and the poem works better jumping straight into I unhinge the cage. Likewise 'âinnocentâ it says'. Likewise 'the light betrays'. And 'The door is left dangling limply'. Too much redundancy, it should read 'the door dangles limply' except doors don't dangle limply so it should really be replaced with something that makes sense. Overall though it needs tightening up so it more resembles a poem. All the 'he is already at the door' 'they travel through the room' 'I unhinge the door to evacuate her first' is just so damn prosaic.
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| Re: a comment on Master by Dovina |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
26-Sep-07/6:37 AM |
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there is a difference between supplication and survival. however, if you let the guy with the knife take your wallet, hunt him down and blow his brains out. ;)
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| Re: a comment on Tropical afternoon by cpill |
Skamper 58.171.41.15 |
25-Sep-07/10:42 PM |
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Not insulted at all - I quite like being ambigious even with gender.
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| Re: a comment on Tropical afternoon by cpill |
Skamper 58.171.45.76 |
25-Sep-07/10:41 PM |
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Much better images...menstruation is a feeling all to it's own...I should write about it...
I do like this write - it's quiet way of getting the message across...
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| Re: Death of a Drug Addict by SupremeDreamer |
Skamper 58.171.39.48 |
25-Sep-07/10:35 PM |
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| Re: Empathy with the childhood dreams by Prince of Void |
Skamper 58.171.15.51 |
25-Sep-07/10:32 PM |
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The last two lines had me nodding in agreement - some lives gain very little, and others nothing at all.
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| Re: Matter of Will by forsaken |
Skamper 58.171.33.186 |
25-Sep-07/10:29 PM |
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At first read I thought you were writing this as a writer - with total control of what your written characters do, but now I'm not so sure. Towards the end you give the impression of being forced into an action that will make you the person every-one thinks you are...Still confused - but I like a challenge...
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| Re: Lost Soul Place by sonawrote |
Skamper 58.171.18.250 |
25-Sep-07/10:25 PM |
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I like the rhyme for this write - it reminds me of something I just can't put my finger on...take this to it's darkest edge with a hint of the evil that resides within lonely soul place. It's almost macabre...( a few typos too need fixing)
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| Re: Ad Infinitum by MacFrantic |
Skamper 58.171.40.91 |
25-Sep-07/10:21 PM |
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gloomy - and I feel the need to rush to the defence of being alive.
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| Re: Still Life by thetrev |
Skamper 58.171.12.148 |
25-Sep-07/10:18 PM |
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I feel I want to read more into this than what is apparant - I will take it at face value and maybe add just hint of human emotion to it. I enjoyed it - scene well captured
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| Re: California Bound by Dovina |
Goad 24.84.61.68 |
25-Sep-07/9:08 PM |
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this scans like its writer's on crack
or worse -- is a blundering hack
if you took off your gown
and got down with the clown
you'd make up for your wordsmithing lack
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| Re: 'Till Then by sliver |
sonawrote 64.12.116.66 |
24-Sep-07/8:50 PM |
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beautifully expressed, thank you for sharing this part of your life with all of us out here
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| Re: crying tears by NeeMan |
sonawrote 64.12.116.66 |
24-Sep-07/11:30 AM |
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I love it, but here(PR) my opinion never counts for much but to be bashed!I don't care, I love it anyway
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| Re: a comment on Master by Dovina |
Dovina 17.255.240.138 |
21-Sep-07/12:51 PM |
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Yes, I am strong-willed, and yes, I cower to the right man. So damned few of them here on poemranker, it's easy to understand your impression.
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