Re: a comment on Master by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	21-Sep-07/12:49 PM
The ride across America ended August 30 with a tire dipped in the Pacific. My luck with weather, dogs, snakes, scum, and logging trucks was too good to be called lucky. And supplication had a part: cars are bigger, let them pass.
Re: Crotchety Old Geezer by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	21-Sep-07/10:17 AM
you young whelps don't know how hard it was to write before this confounded internet. we had to actually move pen across paper, and if we screwed up a word, we had to scratch it out! and we had to use a real dictionary - an actualy big, heavy book - to look up words instead of the ridiculously easy "open another web page" nonsense. and if you lost that piece of paper or it got wet or burned, you were shit out of luck if you could not recite it from your own memory, i tell you. kids these days...
Re: Another Date by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	21-Sep-07/9:57 AM
funny you should say you look for a man with qualities in verse 1. an inuendo or two could be made there, especially with line 3.
Re: California Bound by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	21-Sep-07/9:47 AM
well, maybe if the guv'ment need a new weapons test site, they can move north a bit.
Re: a comment on Master by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	21-Sep-07/9:44 AM
no, i have not. i believe as a child i had the potential to have been diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder. i have mellowed with age, but the core fibers of my being find no solace in supplication or grovelling. happy to provide feedback to those with serious intent. i never did catch up with you about the end of your ride; how did it finish out?
Re: a comment on Master by Dovina	some deleted user 63.127.193.79	21-Sep-07/5:04 AM
The title set me on that thought course, and what little I know about you as a person through your many comments on this site. I think of you as a strong-willed woman who would bow to no master; therefore I let that thought color my perception of this poem. Sorry if my interpretation was off--but as a writer you must know that a diverse audiance will garner diverse opinions. Either way its still an excellent poem.
Re: a comment on Master by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	20-Sep-07/2:34 PM
If you were daft you'd mutter nonsense like "yetch" or "sick." Apparently you have never experienced the joy of cowering. It's restful and feminine. Thanks for commenting, we get so few these days.
Re: a comment on Master by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	20-Sep-07/2:28 PM
Please tell me how it is cynical.
Re: a comment on Master by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	20-Sep-07/2:27 PM
In what way is the title cynical?
Re: Master by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	20-Sep-07/2:26 PM
i dont really get any cynicism here. perhaps i am daft. i was rather repulsed by the cowering servility of the narrator, but then the last verse i can almost see a sneer creep into the subject's face. i do hope that the keepr of the subject's soul is not the "Lord" or "Master", but rather the subject themsleves. maybe the words are spoken true, as in "i will shield nothing from you since all i do is what you ask." in that case, i am further repulsed. not your best, but we all write what we need to write, nonetheless.
Re: a comment on Rooster Rape by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	20-Sep-07/2:26 PM
heavens, I don't think so!
Re: a comment on Rooster Rape by Dovina	xxx 67.172.190.253	20-Sep-07/8:17 AM
Shocking!
Re: Rooster Rape by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.61.129	20-Sep-07/1:51 AM
Is line two missing something?
Re: a comment on Rooster Rape by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.61.129	20-Sep-07/1:50 AM
Shove a maddening cock into pr anals? What has this place descended to in my absence?
Re: Master by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.61.129	20-Sep-07/1:47 AM
Funny thing is that I didn't read any cynicism in this, except for where the title is concerned.
Re: Love from, by thetrev	Ranger 86.131.61.129	20-Sep-07/1:46 AM
I haven't read a great deal of sestinas, usually they bore me. This is different; you direct attention away from the ends of lines, which makes all the difference. There are one or two places which seem forced and should be ironed out for the sake of perfection ("and my haunt" is the obvious one). I absolutely loved "my fingers jumped from pools of fluorescent water to cats haunting crusty archways". Almost perfect :-)
Re: Pulling the hill (formerly-in response to) by INTRANSIT	Ranger 81.152.176.104	20-Sep-07/1:35 AM
My very first thought upon reading the opening line was that this is crying out to be moulded into a form - sonnet was the one that sprang to mind. It would work equally well as a monologue, although I think it'd have to be a narration to a film clip or something similar. Otherwise you risk creating a large (and quite impressive) description with not much to hook the reader. Forming it would create a rhythm, a movement to capture the reader.
Re: Plug my Phone In by jessicazee	Ranger 81.152.176.104	20-Sep-07/1:29 AM
The second stanza is perfect (perhaps change the position of 'sacred' as our trucker suggests). "He's teaching school now" wants editing, in my opinion and the last line is very abrupt. Maybe that's what you were after though?
Re: Loose Leaf by Miggy	Katie 68.202.93.73	19-Sep-07/11:14 PM
hey miggy, I bet you don't remember me but you gave me a little help with one of my poems a very long time ago, lol :) Glad to see your still writing! =) Anyways, I love the feeling your trying to express here, but when writing a lyric try making a little beat in your mind and singing it. This way you can make sure everything flows together and your not going to run out of breath trying to get everything in. But over-all I enjoyed your imagery. -Katie
Re: a comment on Rooster Rape by Dovina	Dovina 75.82.86.162	19-Sep-07/4:08 PM
How could you extract a dignified remark from context and shove it into pr anals?