unouluvme
on Activating your Infinity by horus8
27 Jan 2005, 3:54 PM
to much like a story
3 spaces between comma and the "I'll" in the 3rd stanza
I guess it works as a "prose poem" - but why? This could be said in far fewer words and cleaner as a less verbose (or nounose) poem.
Shuushin
on Your Eyes Are Like Stearling Saphires in the month of June by tisa7
27 Jan 2005, 2:37 PM
Hi t7 - a pretty thing, but a couple spellings:
"Sterling", "Sapphires" and "threw" should be "through" and I don't know if you meant "painful" or did the painflu on purpose.
"in to" should prolly be "into"
Anything with suicide in it deserves a zero, but because of Verse 4 and the first half of Verse 6, you get a 7.
just savor it, Dreamer... it may or may not come back.. but, hey, there still AIDS.. 10 as always
Damn.. these things are vague.. but gives you that warm toasted feeling like marshmallows left in the sun.. 10
haha.. anything with the devil in it deserves more than a ten... but, alas, we only have up to ten and the devil doesn't exist... life is unfair
what's eating you up these days, dude... poor diet?? How've you been anyway??
Actually The Male Character does it. Its part of the short coming to livejournal near you soon.
<3 Jason
REWellman
on On the Discovery of Cinder Cats and The Road More Traveled by MacFrantic
26 Jan 2005, 4:11 PM
Very funny little poem. I like the second stanza a lot more than the first and I think it could stand alone.
It's very cute.
One extra? and yes 6 roses, they were dipped in wax, pink my favorite color and ment to be a suprize that ended up in the trash.
<3 Jason
Jesu loves you my son? lol. yea, a bit preachy, but sometimes thats how the best conversations are.
<3 Jason
There's a party in my pants tonight,
and everyone's invited.
I hope your all excited?
You poor fucker.
Get over it pussy!
Oh,and your poem sucks big black panther nuts.
Do your parents know your posting this crap?
This is a joke,right?
If not please seek help -
Such as english 101 or some kind of therapy.
fleck.
Not funny or clever?
So what is this?
Just lame.
You're right I meant to say full of wonder