Engelbert Humpalot
on Some die waiting, or laugh forgetting by Shardik
7 Oct 2007, 10:19 AM
I wept more at this than when I got my bollocks caught in my zip.
How fucking sad.
I love most of this and only wish you'd swing the rest of it over to its tender majority. "like Christ on electrodes" seems too distant from the theme to work as metaphor. "Shrapnel" also feels too sharp for such tender feelings.
too involved for haiku, I think. But the last line is clever.
Fabulous first couplet rhyme! Henhouse and house! Genius! The rest of it is rubbish. The funniest thing since 9/11.
Sentimental and sloppy in the extreme.
Ungrammatical first stanza. You must have been off school the day they taught sentences.
Charmingly archaic.
Longwinded.
Good last stanza. Best just to shag her and bugger off.
Cute.
I love the way you repeat the lines but add something different afterwards! ALso, This poem makes the reader feel the narator's emotions. Love the Poem!
Well Put together! Love it!
WOW!!! Imagery is effective!
The feeling of the poem is expressed well! Good Job!
x0lovelylarnx0
on Random thoughts poem-do not try to find a meaning for there are too many. by lunar
9 Oct 2007, 6:15 PM
Interesting! But a little confusing! But all-in-all it's pretty good!
my main point in this poem isn't just my physical appearance., nor is it an ego issue.. It's what people perceive of me. I am physically all these things but that's only what is seen. When in reality there is more to me then just a pretty face and nice body... maybe if you all weren't so narrow-minded you would have caught that in the last couple of lines. My peotic style will not be yours; neither will my personality be governed by your opinions of me.
just voting
I do not even know what to say about this one!