this is very bland - you need to drop such overused phrases and take what is in your head and write it in your own words...don't worry about what other people rate your work, it's not that important...honestly you seem to want to play to the masses instead of just playing.

yes-yes...neatly done, opens up the mind and closes the mouth

disjointed and lacking any kind of rhythm I could find (maybe just my two left brains)

like is used too many times for such a short piece. the first and last versus could do without it. life sliding compared to tyre dust is creative...dust always seems to conjure images of swirling, and alike. Your sliding dust across the truck stop is spot on.

as natural as a dancer...loved it

a pure pleasure to read -

nice work - lurking evil in a gently lulling tune... always the trap. :)

why don't you just throw stones at her - pull her hair and maybe snap her bra-strap. then she'll know you really like her

Your not serious are you? If this were a "romantic pimple" I'd give this a ten, but it's been labeled as free verse, so here is a zero. By the way, it's seriously gay to vote for yourself.

I'm jealous of you... for once I experienced this with the love of my life... but now he's gone and I fear he will never come back. I miss it...

The last two lines really get me...

I hope you share this with teh woman it's all about.. I dont see how she could not want to be with you...

I know exactly how you feel

IDONT GET THIS POEM IS WONDERFUL. Y DONT PEOPLE LIKE IT..

THAT IS SO SAD. I KNDA KNOW WHAT U ARE TALKING ABOUT . IT HAPPENS TO ALOT OF PEOPLE I GUESS.

zoiks.

The poems gives a good vision of the mother and her children.

The word "separate" is the strongest word in this poem, thank you. Cheers and beers, and welcome to Area 6, secret hideout.

A slice of time. A 17 calorie slice of time, a thin, carbohydrate-free slice of time. A trans-fat free, utterly nutritionally void slice of time. ~10~

smells like a cigarette, reads like a dream ~9~