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Solstice, 2007 (Free verse) by lectricprincess
This Weekend: Did you get any shots of the sky? How summer was wrenched away in a glorious show: rain! Like I've never seen here in one year, and perhaps, five months and 2 days. The wind of course, tried to repair it, working, ripping apart the corpulent clouds to reveal the bluest calm sky, the deepest place, envy of the restless ocean. I rubbed my eyes, sleep deprived, through a spattered windshield, they moved faster than the traffic signals. I thought of you, perhaps watching in similar amazement. Full of drama, a production; like everything else out here, only part-real. We traipsed through the villa by the sea, where the marble was radiating psychedelic white in the weather-changing air, ionized, purified; me and my sister, like two sirens, just vessels for a fate that will catch you...its part-real. The weather, performing all around us As if the day was purposefully set for a memory that would stick into you, because the crevice in your heart had become empty. As if I should be saying goodbye to something; I know not what, but it whispers silently, in waves as I'm too distracted to see it. As if my spent energy just spins to a whirl at the bottom, culminating into a force, as that which turns the leaves to the ground. I could miss it, in this storm. As if life really came around like a wheel, (its part-real), speeding up towards the next point of contact, faster and faster, and then, thump! Its the subtle death, the cloaking of summer, that makes it possible to exist, as you said, between the water and the pier; when the tide speaks to what is flowing inside you, at the very spot where the body has come to rest. where the leaf turns over and I stop running. Like a seed, I sink into the nights, and dreams rush to the core. This golden departure is no end to the movement of my hands; merely the Technicolor haze of leisure melts to reveal a crisper, clearer hunger. The time when we look within and put the details into focus; The time when a good friend is needed in stronger, less frequent doses, And I mean it when I say that soon, sometime We should meet for a glass of wine.

Down the ladder: harvest moon

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.2384057
Overall Rank: 4133
Posted: September 27, 2007 12:25 PM PDT; Last modified: September 27, 2007 12:25 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 86.145.27.138 | 28-Sep-07/2:12 AM | Reply
This seemed to be more suitable for a monologue rather than a poem - it feels as though it wants the lyrical embellishments of a poem, but delivered through other means (background ambience, music maybe). It would also benefit from the images evolving; what you have is mostly a collection of often-used ideas (weather, ocean, leaves etc.) which are nice but seem a little insubstantial. If you can add some truly original passages to go with the stock phrases then in my opinion it would become infinitely more engaging.

On a lighter note, I went to the summer solstice at Stonehenge a few years back and it was marvellous. I'm not sure which was better; the ceremonial theatrics, or the trampling over peoples' faces in the dark because they were too paralytic to care.
[10] Skamper @ 58.171.12.106 | 13-Oct-07/9:47 PM | Reply
a pure pleasure to read -
157 view(s)




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