Ranger28 Sep 2007

This seemed to be more suitable for a monologue rather than a poem - it feels as though it wants the lyrical embellishments of a poem, but delivered through other means (background ambience, music maybe). It would also benefit from the images evolving; what you have is mostly a collection of often-used ideas (weather, ocean, leaves etc.) which are nice but seem a little insubstantial. If you can add some truly original passages to go with the stock phrases then in my opinion it would become infinitely more engaging.

On a lighter note, I went to the summer solstice at Stonehenge a few years back and it was marvellous. I'm not sure which was better; the ceremonial theatrics, or the trampling over peoples' faces in the dark because they were too paralytic to care.