Re: Ad Infinitum by MacFrantic	Skamper 58.171.40.91	25-Sep-07/10:21 PM
gloomy - and I feel the need to rush to the defence of being alive.
Re: Lost Soul Place by sonawrote	Skamper 58.171.18.250	25-Sep-07/10:25 PM
I like the rhyme for this write - it reminds me of something I just can't put my finger on...take this to it's darkest edge with a hint of the evil that resides within lonely soul place. It's almost macabre...( a few typos too need fixing)
Re: Matter of Will by forsaken	Skamper 58.171.33.186	25-Sep-07/10:29 PM
At first read I thought you were writing this as a writer - with total control of what your written characters do, but now I'm not so sure. Towards the end you give the impression of being forced into an action that will make you the person every-one thinks you are...Still confused - but I like a challenge...
Re: Empathy with the childhood dreams by Prince of Void	Skamper 58.171.15.51	25-Sep-07/10:32 PM
The last two lines had me nodding in agreement - some lives gain very little, and others nothing at all.
Re: Death of a Drug Addict by SupremeDreamer	Skamper 58.171.39.48	25-Sep-07/10:35 PM
damn sad
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 58.171.40.49	25-Sep-07/10:36 PM
I don't understand this one - it must be an american reference yeah?
Re: Still Life by thetrev	richa 82.2.211.159	26-Sep-07/2:02 PM
The first image you are going for is I think light through the bars of a cage. OK I quite like the tattoo but the phrasing is imprecise. The bars do not drape they are passive in their interaction with the light. Next up the he and she, I think I can just about make out they are supposed to be birds if I read further but why obscure that we are dealing with birds in a cage (the cockerel simile confuses rather than elucidates without such important details). 'Beyond the cage, feeling godly,' is just pretentious Dovina and the poem works better jumping straight into I unhinge the cage. Likewise '“innocent” it says'. Likewise 'the light betrays'. And 'The door is left dangling limply'. Too much redundancy, it should read 'the door dangles limply' except doors don't dangle limply so it should really be replaced with something that makes sense. Overall though it needs tightening up so it more resembles a poem. All the 'he is already at the door' 'they travel through the room' 'I unhinge the door to evacuate her first' is just so damn prosaic.
Re: Rooster Rape by Dovina	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	26-Sep-07/2:20 PM
Did you rape a truck driver, Dovina ? Shame on you. I like this but it's too heavy. I'll get back to it though. first read/8
Re: Coyote, The City, and Some Moon by Shardik	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	27-Sep-07/1:52 PM
Hmm.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 17.255.240.138	27-Sep-07/4:22 PM
Dismal. Those drivers in the cafe pass their rest break, talking to some cycling woman like she's got loose from it all and tell her to be careful.
Re: Solstice, 2007 by lectricprincess	Ranger 86.145.27.138	28-Sep-07/2:12 AM
This seemed to be more suitable for a monologue rather than a poem - it feels as though it wants the lyrical embellishments of a poem, but delivered through other means (background ambience, music maybe). It would also benefit from the images evolving; what you have is mostly a collection of often-used ideas (weather, ocean, leaves etc.) which are nice but seem a little insubstantial. If you can add some truly original passages to go with the stock phrases then in my opinion it would become infinitely more engaging. On a lighter note, I went to the summer solstice at Stonehenge a few years back and it was marvellous. I'm not sure which was better; the ceremonial theatrics, or the trampling over peoples' faces in the dark because they were too paralytic to care.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 86.145.27.138	28-Sep-07/2:15 AM
I think I'm on the verge of seeing what you're after here. It deserves a second read - I'll come back. -8- because I like what I've seen so far. P.S. - I just had a visit from the Spelling Gestapo: they want me to say there's only one s in 'disappearing'. Pedantic, aren't they?
Re: Rooster Rape by Dovina	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	29-Sep-07/9:22 AM
Maybe it's not so heavy as clunky. Shiney feathers, eye on intruder, pomp of sound and strut, Keep those. The house /henhouse thing is confusing. Forgot and abandoned are the same,I prefer abandoned. Read mmy gender for my man? Huh? Boldly militant as angels- I prefer over mission. The rest is just too wordy, I think. Keep the Copernicus stuff. I think it gives just the right amount of ambiguity. Not sure you need the last line. I'm a little strained for time, sorry. Next time, when the rooster attacks, use a nine-iron. ;)
Re: Death of a Drug Addict by SupremeDreamer	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	29-Sep-07/9:24 AM
Rose blossom of a bullet as it opens while travelling ! Awesome. Just awesome.
Re: The daughter of heels by Caducus	INTRANSIT 65.212.45.253	1-Oct-07/5:37 PM
Caducus, I think you're looking at a piece of art. But I haven't seen this piece so i can't tell you if you've captured the moment. This may work at another site that works these kind of poems. I'm sorry I can't help.
Re: A Patch of Time by Skamper	INTRANSIT 65.212.45.253	1-Oct-07/5:42 PM
Needs only the slightest trimming.
Re: back o' the fridge by nypoet22	INTRANSIT 65.212.45.253	1-Oct-07/5:45 PM
More, more !
Re: The Tale Of Marietta And The Hornbag Priest (v.1) by Edna Sweetlove	Engelbert Humpalot 85.211.239.13	7-Oct-07/9:54 AM
Spiffing
Re: A Sexy Crucifixion Poem by Edna Sweetlove	Engelbert Humpalot 85.211.239.13	7-Oct-07/9:55 AM
I seem to have evacuated my bowels with laughter after reading this. Will you pay for the drycleaning?
Re: All Hail! All Hail! America The Golden! by Edna Sweetlove	Engelbert Humpalot 85.211.239.13	7-Oct-07/9:57 AM
This brings a new meaning to that old cliché, the special relationship.