Hmm.

Dismal. Those drivers in the cafe pass their rest break, talking to some cycling woman like she's got loose from it all and tell her to be careful.

This seemed to be more suitable for a monologue rather than a poem - it feels as though it wants the lyrical embellishments of a poem, but delivered through other means (background ambience, music maybe). It would also benefit from the images evolving; what you have is mostly a collection of often-used ideas (weather, ocean, leaves etc.) which are nice but seem a little insubstantial. If you can add some truly original passages to go with the stock phrases then in my opinion it would become infinitely more engaging. On a lighter note, I went to the summer solstice at Stonehenge a few years back and it was marvellous. I'm not sure which was better; the ceremonial theatrics, or the trampling over peoples' faces in the dark because they were too paralytic to care.

I think I'm on the verge of seeing what you're after here. It deserves a second read - I'll come back. -8- because I like what I've seen so far. P.S. - I just had a visit from the Spelling Gestapo: they want me to say there's only one s in 'disappearing'. Pedantic, aren't they?

Maybe it's not so heavy as clunky. Shiney feathers, eye on intruder, pomp of sound and strut, Keep those. The house /henhouse thing is confusing. Forgot and abandoned are the same,I prefer abandoned. Read mmy gender for my man? Huh? Boldly militant as angels- I prefer over mission. The rest is just too wordy, I think. Keep the Copernicus stuff. I think it gives just the right amount of ambiguity. Not sure you need the last line. I'm a little strained for time, sorry. Next time, when the rooster attacks, use a nine-iron. ;)

Rose blossom of a bullet as it opens while travelling ! Awesome. Just awesome.

Caducus, I think you're looking at a piece of art. But I haven't seen this piece so i can't tell you if you've captured the moment. This may work at another site that works these kind of poems. I'm sorry I can't help.

Needs only the slightest trimming.

More, more !

Spiffing

I seem to have evacuated my bowels with laughter after reading this. Will you pay for the drycleaning?

This brings a new meaning to that old cliché, the special relationship.

Weird. But OK really. I love these dialect pieces from OOOOP NORTH LOIK>

Very fucking funny! My best laugh since 9/11 when I shat myself with joy.

You are right, he is a cunt for a' that.

Very profound

You are right that Jesus doesn't care. Maybe you'd be a bit of selfish cunt like him if you'd been nailed up by a load of wops.

I love this more than 9/11.

I just re-read this. Only just.

Fucking incomprehensible! I loved it!