Is line two missing something?

i dont really get any cynicism here. perhaps i am daft. i was rather repulsed by the cowering servility of the narrator, but then the last verse i can almost see a sneer creep into the subject's face. i do hope that the keepr of the subject's soul is not the "Lord" or "Master", but rather the subject themsleves. maybe the words are spoken true, as in "i will shield nothing from you since all i do is what you ask." in that case, i am further repulsed. not your best, but we all write what we need to write, nonetheless.

Unrequited love of self?

well, maybe if the guv'ment need a new weapons test site, they can move north a bit.

funny you should say you look for a man with qualities in verse 1. an inuendo or two could be made there, especially with line 3.

you young whelps don't know how hard it was to write before this confounded internet. we had to actually move pen across paper, and if we screwed up a word, we had to scratch it out! and we had to use a real dictionary - an actualy big, heavy book - to look up words instead of the ridiculously easy "open another web page" nonsense. and if you lost that piece of paper or it got wet or burned, you were shit out of luck if you could not recite it from your own memory, i tell you. kids these days...

Delete my comments eh will you? You little Snot. This is cliche CRAP. And horrendously corny. Zero.

Oh, btw, when you vote for yourself, you make it apparent that you're really fucking gay.

I love it, but here(PR) my opinion never counts for much but to be bashed!I don't care, I love it anyway

beautifully expressed, thank you for sharing this part of your life with all of us out here

this scans like its writer's on crack or worse -- is a blundering hack if you took off your gown and got down with the clown you'd make up for your wordsmithing lack

I feel I want to read more into this than what is apparant - I will take it at face value and maybe add just hint of human emotion to it. I enjoyed it - scene well captured

gloomy - and I feel the need to rush to the defence of being alive.

I like the rhyme for this write - it reminds me of something I just can't put my finger on...take this to it's darkest edge with a hint of the evil that resides within lonely soul place. It's almost macabre...( a few typos too need fixing)

At first read I thought you were writing this as a writer - with total control of what your written characters do, but now I'm not so sure. Towards the end you give the impression of being forced into an action that will make you the person every-one thinks you are...Still confused - but I like a challenge...

The last two lines had me nodding in agreement - some lives gain very little, and others nothing at all.

damn sad

I don't understand this one - it must be an american reference yeah?

The first image you are going for is I think light through the bars of a cage. OK I quite like the tattoo but the phrasing is imprecise. The bars do not drape they are passive in their interaction with the light. Next up the he and she, I think I can just about make out they are supposed to be birds if I read further but why obscure that we are dealing with birds in a cage (the cockerel simile confuses rather than elucidates without such important details). 'Beyond the cage, feeling godly,' is just pretentious Dovina and the poem works better jumping straight into I unhinge the cage. Likewise '“innocent” it says'. Likewise 'the light betrays'. And 'The door is left dangling limply'. Too much redundancy, it should read 'the door dangles limply' except doors don't dangle limply so it should really be replaced with something that makes sense. Overall though it needs tightening up so it more resembles a poem. All the 'he is already at the door' 'they travel through the room' 'I unhinge the door to evacuate her first' is just so damn prosaic.

Did you rape a truck driver, Dovina ? Shame on you. I like this but it's too heavy. I'll get back to it though. first read/8