Sorry sona. Rhyming couplets does not a poem make. If you drop half these lines and throw the rhyme out, it would improve. Your choice.

I like poems that tell a story and you do that to perfection in this piece. I see this as more of a prose poem, but how it's labeled really does'nt matter---it's good stuff.

"relization is a cheap matinee." I like--good write.

Very well done--and I agree with INTRANSIT about you being under appreciated. Keep up the good work.

attorceous mispeling and miss-gramer

you have a well crafted western. doesn't really say anything new and i don't like the refrain, but still well done

neatly done, thumbs up

excellent--I love the cynicism.

toke a few more and you will think you had

lol ... wow ... ten ... gosh ...

I get to misanthrope and think wtf. Attributing human motivations to the world. There is a word for that kind of thing.

'understory to some curious acts/ of a raucous maddening cock' needs preserving in the annals of pr history.

hey miggy, I bet you don't remember me but you gave me a little help with one of my poems a very long time ago, lol :) Glad to see your still writing! =) Anyways, I love the feeling your trying to express here, but when writing a lyric try making a little beat in your mind and singing it. This way you can make sure everything flows together and your not going to run out of breath trying to get everything in. But over-all I enjoyed your imagery. -Katie

The second stanza is perfect (perhaps change the position of 'sacred' as our trucker suggests). "He's teaching school now" wants editing, in my opinion and the last line is very abrupt. Maybe that's what you were after though?

My very first thought upon reading the opening line was that this is crying out to be moulded into a form - sonnet was the one that sprang to mind. It would work equally well as a monologue, although I think it'd have to be a narration to a film clip or something similar. Otherwise you risk creating a large (and quite impressive) description with not much to hook the reader. Forming it would create a rhythm, a movement to capture the reader.

Reverse the roles! Condense the poem and make it the title, and expand on the title to use the sloth as physical metaphor. It doesn't have to be wrapped up in a Japanese form, although it's more punchy in this form.

I haven't read a great deal of sestinas, usually they bore me. This is different; you direct attention away from the ends of lines, which makes all the difference. There are one or two places which seem forced and should be ironed out for the sake of perfection ("and my haunt" is the obvious one). I absolutely loved "my fingers jumped from pools of fluorescent water to cats haunting crusty archways". Almost perfect :-)

Funny thing is that I didn't read any cynicism in this, except for where the title is concerned.

Ace.

In an historical account of human civilisation, what else would you expect?