| Re: My No-Good Graces by D. $ Fontera |
INTRANSIT 65.29.52.204 |
10-Sep-07/7:17 PM |
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| Re: Harmony by MacFrantic |
INTRANSIT 65.29.52.204 |
10-Sep-07/7:21 PM |
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I'd drop the first two lines. And both -is- in s-4.
Love the sport of spring.
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| Re: Decks of Cards (So Long to the City) by wilco |
jessicazee 24.160.246.91 |
11-Sep-07/1:35 AM |
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i want you to kiss my mouth; it is pretty
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
jessicazee 24.160.246.91 |
11-Sep-07/1:36 AM |
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No, thank YOU for the finger food, and I barely even ever make capital letters. yes.
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| Re: Plug my Phone In by jessicazee |
INTRANSIT 65.29.52.204 |
11-Sep-07/6:47 AM |
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Possible changes : replace -chemistry- it's understood in the previous line.
I think you can move -sacred- between ten and morning, and do no harm.
the parking ticket is clunky BUT interesting. Odd is good. Can you soften it a little?
The plug line bugs me. Too forward, I think.
Overall, I really like what you've built.
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| Re: Plug my Phone In by jessicazee |
INTRANSIT 65.29.52.204 |
11-Sep-07/6:53 AM |
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I also think you're under appreciated around here. I hope you are not relegating yourself to this site only.
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| Re: Pulling the hill (formerly-in response to) by INTRANSIT |
SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104 |
11-Sep-07/12:08 PM |
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I can sympathize in some respects, old friend. Eight. Oh, and don't mind the bearded orangutan; rockmage hasn't yet learned that throwing his feces about is considered uncouth in polite company.
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| Re: The rift by MacFrantic |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
12-Sep-07/2:13 PM |
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Starting at line 3:
Whiplashed, convulsive, her eyes are
a cheap matinee
moans fall from her carpet tongue
She arches; a rigid turnpike
Playing magic on myself ? try tying it back to the polecat or the movie theatre.
Still I likes.
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| Re: He Became William Tristan a 9/11 story by sonawrote |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
12-Sep-07/2:21 PM |
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Sorry sona. Rhyming couplets does not a poem make. If you drop half these lines and throw the rhyme out, it would improve. Your choice.
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| Re: Pulling the hill (formerly-in response to) by INTRANSIT |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
14-Sep-07/3:33 AM |
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I like poems that tell a story and you do that to perfection in this piece. I see this as more of a prose poem, but how it's labeled really does'nt matter---it's good stuff.
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| Re: The rift by MacFrantic |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
14-Sep-07/3:38 AM |
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"relization is a cheap matinee." I like--good write.
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| Re: Plug my Phone In by jessicazee |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
14-Sep-07/3:45 AM |
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Very well done--and I agree with INTRANSIT about you being under appreciated. Keep up the good work.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 71.138.165.108 |
14-Sep-07/2:15 PM |
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attorceous mispeling and miss-gramer
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| Re: Bleeding in the American South by wilco |
thetrev 81.248.169.44 |
14-Sep-07/3:10 PM |
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you have a well crafted western. doesn't really say anything new and i don't like the refrain, but still well done
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
thetrev 81.248.169.44 |
14-Sep-07/3:23 PM |
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| Re: Master by Dovina |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
16-Sep-07/10:21 AM |
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excellent--I love the cynicism.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 67.172.190.253 |
16-Sep-07/5:35 PM |
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toke a few more and you will think you had
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
pete 62.56.82.216 |
17-Sep-07/7:05 AM |
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lol ... wow ... ten ... gosh ...
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| Re: Through the eyes by MacFrantic |
richa 82.2.211.159 |
19-Sep-07/2:38 PM |
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I get to misanthrope and think wtf. Attributing human motivations to the world. There is a word for that kind of thing.
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| Re: Rooster Rape by Dovina |
richa 82.2.211.159 |
19-Sep-07/2:47 PM |
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'understory to some curious acts/ of a raucous maddening cock' needs preserving in the annals of pr history.
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