Explaining a poem is like calling it a riddle. I prefer to glean what I can without explanation. You could title it "Child Abuse," since your title is redundant anyway. Using King James English detracts unless you are consistant. Grammetical problems in lines 5, 8, and line 3 of S2. Good use of the tic Overuse of the wrath of god, unless you do more with it than say it four times. A lot of criticism? Yeah, but I agree with what you're saying.

Either change 'Pray thee' to 'Prithee' or keep the second person singular throughout the whole sentence (e. g.: 'Pray thee art thou sound in mind?'

For some reason, I actually like everything but the last line of each stanza (except for the first, which doesn't quite count.)

Dear heavens that last line is bad. Unless it's a perfectly plotted last line to make us realise the whole thing's a joke, in which case it's quite brilliant. If (as I suspect) it's not, allow me to point something out: What would be sad would be if teen suicide WASN'T an issue. Its being an issue at least means someone's noticed. (The previous of course assumes one thinks suicide a bad thing.)

From the last 3 lines, her son died as a baby. It's a moving picture as is, but, I'd have preferred to know this sooner.

"very Horrendous" is the same as horrendous, and why capitalize it. "I think much like Nothing About You" means something, but what?

And what, prithee, is an unnatural pearl? The second-last line breaks the rhythm -- fix it up, it suddenly turns plodding. Perhaps 'Thought not, you dem thoughtless wanker' would do.

I didn't know there was a difference between the two. I just liked the harder sound of "pray thee" and the omenous double meaning of the word Pray. To put the lines in quotations is a better idea. Forgive me for my bad punctuation. This is the type of criticism I like. This is something I can use.

HA!!!! First one to comment on this one! I love this poem.. you are such a good poet! I wish i could write like you, i really do.. 10/10

First off. Thank you for your comment it was very useful. It feels like a rhyming poem but the fact that it doesn't rhyme takes nothing away from it. Obviously you've read the old masters as well as Karouac an Ginsberg. With repetion and flowery language it could have easily faltered but it didn't. 8

"art thou" "are you" I see what you mean. But I think it might throw off the beat a little. Let me spin it around in my head for a while and then I'll get back to you on it.

chunky

i emailed you something scary. did you get it?

It's about child abuse. Sorry tree huggers.

S0-So.

Very vivid images. Well written but could use a stanza dedicated to the beauty of what the place was, for the sake of contrast. Right now it's more depressing than tragic. This poem should be bigger. I feel there's a great story in there. Right now it's a great photograph but I want the movie. 8 for now

Seems the poem is a metaphor for something lost. If so here's my solution. Do not the burning embers dwindle In the light of thier own lives (Yet)the oldest flames may still rekindle This is how love survives Let tragedy bind a family. I give you an 8 'cause I don't get the "bone for rain" thing.

If only it were true. The second verse is a 10 the others are 8. So 9 for you.

Very well written -10-

You never saw this kinda thing happen when the Democrats were running the country.