poemranker ::Ash by horus8

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Lyric № 114443

Ash

by horus8

Member since 2002 · Posted 28 Oct 2004 · Edited 1 Nov 2004 · 20 comments

There is a place, I often go A burnt down house, outside of town Ring of trees, scarred and bent Laughing children, now absent Foundation left like bones for rain Nothing earned, and nothing gained Mailbox tilted to face the ground The far off bark of a Blood-hound An Ash tree, initialed, full of crows My heart, and hers, black with arrow.

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mean 6.77 weighted 6.29 rank 887 views 308 View voting details →

13 votes so far. Yours would make 14.13 votes so far

A favorite of wilco.

20 comments

[9] Dovina 28-Oct-04/6:45 PM Reply
A house is a house is a house,
An ended thing an' black.
But why not "and" and "B"?
[10] edpeterson 28-Oct-04/9:01 PM Reply
chunky
[10] edpeterson 28-Oct-04/9:01 PM Reply
i emailed you something scary. did you get it?
[n/a] horus8 › edpeterson 28-Oct-04/9:57 PM Reply
Yeah, my son was deeply traumatized -- I, myself, have gone blind, and nearly choked to death on a dorito, thank you Ed.
[8] Imago 28-Oct-04/10:24 PM Reply
Seems the poem is a metaphor for something lost.
If so here's my solution.
Do not the burning embers dwindle
In the light of thier own lives
(Yet)the oldest flames may still rekindle
This is how love survives

Let tragedy bind a family.

I give you an 8 'cause I don't get the "bone for rain" thing.
[10] INTRANSIT › Imago 30-Oct-04/11:52 AM Reply
Think about it, Imago. I believe you are capable of understanding it if you put forth a little effort.
[10] zodiac › Imago 31-Oct-04/12:14 AM Reply
re: "Seems the poem is a metaphor for something lost."

You are the dimmest person ever! Congratulations!
[10] INTRANSIT 30-Oct-04/11:54 AM Reply
I have to weigh in on this because I think it is damn near perfect. I think it would be perfect if you Ironed out the beat. I know you can. Why you did not, is what I don't understand. 9
[n/a] horus8 › INTRANSIT 1-Nov-04/4:12 PM Reply
Check it now
[10] INTRANSIT 2-Nov-04/5:40 AM Reply
Ok bro. You're so fucking close!!!!!!!!
Line 4 (absent) is too fast a word
Line 8 is one beat off.
There are no other problems that I can hear.
I'm gonna slap you with a ten 'cos I know how hard it is to fix details like these.
[10] INTRANSIT › INTRANSIT 2-Nov-04/5:43 AM Reply
I have the same problem with 2 words in the first stanza of my poem " Dear Lord". It may come to rebuilding the damn thing from the ground up. at least the first stanza.
[8] richa 2-Nov-04/5:44 AM Reply
'Nothing earned, and nothing gained' is a bit of a wasted line. The initials bit is cliche. Other than that well written, sounds great.
[10] INTRANSIT › richa 2-Nov-04/5:49 AM Reply
shit. can't believe I missed that earned/gained prob. I would disagree about the initials though. It's about the blackened branding not necessarily the inits.
[10] sliver 2-Nov-04/8:37 PM Reply
Very well done Hoarus, I truly enjoyed this piece. It reminds me of my dad's favorite poem... I pass by a poor old farmhouse, It's shingles broken and black. Good Imagery
[10] zodiac 3-Nov-04/12:49 AM Reply
Dickenson.
[10] edpeterson 12-Nov-04/8:25 AM Reply
hey. WHen is your ban from AP up? that place is starting to scare me... DP roberson has been banned too. Bulletin threads are being censored left and right.
[n/a] horus8 › edpeterson 12-Nov-04/4:50 PM Reply
17 more hours (I got three days)... They banned DP? What a bunch of cunts? What the fuck for? Christ, they're so pretentious in the worst possible way there, that being the uneducate 'way'.
[10] edpeterson › horus8 13-Nov-04/10:15 AM Reply
yah, he was fucking with some chick who plagiarized and he was pointing it out rather too vigorously for their tastes, it seems. They eventually banned her for good, in essence, proving his point, after they banned him course.
[0] Engelbert Humpalot 3-Nov-06/5:11 AM Reply
Badly punctuated.
Badly written.
Crap in short.
[0] Engelbert Humpalot › Engelbert Humpalot 3-Nov-06/5:12 AM Reply
I forgot to add:

Lots of spelling errors in so short a space is clever I suppose.