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Ash (Lyric) by horus8 There is a place, I often go
A burnt down house, outside of town
Ring of trees, scarred and bent
Laughing children, now absent
Foundation left like bones for rain
Nothing earned, and nothing gained
Mailbox tilted to face the ground
The far off bark of a Blood-hound
An Ash tree, initialed, full of crows
My heart, and hers, black with arrow.
Up the ladder:
Colgate & Paper towels
Down the ladder:
Winter's Cabin
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.769231
Posted: October 28, 2004 11:57 AM PDT; Last modified: November 1, 2004 3:51 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.2934113 Overall Rank: 887 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
chunky
i emailed you something scary. did you get it?
Yeah, my son was deeply traumatized -- I, myself, have gone blind, and nearly choked to death on a dorito, thank you Ed.
Seems the poem is a metaphor for something lost.
If so here's my solution. Do not the burning embers dwindle In the light of thier own lives (Yet)the oldest flames may still rekindle This is how love survives Let tragedy bind a family. I give you an 8 'cause I don't get the "bone for rain" thing.
Think about it, Imago. I believe you are capable of understanding it if you put forth a little effort.
re: "Seems the poem is a metaphor for something lost."
You are the dimmest person ever! Congratulations!
I have to weigh in on this because I think it is damn near perfect. I think it would be perfect if you Ironed out the beat. I know you can. Why you did not, is what I don't understand. 9
Check it now
Ok bro. You're so fucking close!!!!!!!!
Line 4 (absent) is too fast a word Line 8 is one beat off. There are no other problems that I can hear. I'm gonna slap you with a ten 'cos I know how hard it is to fix details like these.
I have the same problem with 2 words in the first stanza of my poem " Dear Lord". It may come to rebuilding the damn thing from the ground up. at least the first stanza.
'Nothing earned, and nothing gained' is a bit of a wasted line. The initials bit is cliche. Other than that well written, sounds great.
shit. can't believe I missed that earned/gained prob. I would disagree about the initials though. It's about the blackened branding not necessarily the inits.
Very well done Hoarus, I truly enjoyed this piece. It reminds me of my dad's favorite poem... I pass by a poor old farmhouse, It's shingles broken and black. Good Imagery
Dickenson.
hey. WHen is your ban from AP up? that place is starting to scare me... DP roberson has been banned too. Bulletin threads are being censored left and right.
17 more hours (I got three days)... They banned DP? What a bunch of cunts? What the fuck for? Christ, they're so pretentious in the worst possible way there, that being the uneducate 'way'.
yah, he was fucking with some chick who plagiarized and he was pointing it out rather too vigorously for their tastes, it seems. They eventually banned her for good, in essence, proving his point, after they banned him course.
Badly punctuated.
Badly written. Crap in short.
I forgot to add:
Lots of spelling errors in so short a space is clever I suppose. 308 view(s)
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An ended thing an' black.
But why not "and" and "B"?