poemranker ::This path by midnitebeauty101

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Villanelle № 114461

This path

by midnitebeauty101

Member since 2004 · Posted 28 Oct 2004 · 4 comments

This path I travel down is worn The old leaves crunch beneath my feet A new me will soon be born I began my walk forlorn Feeling lost and feeling beat This path I travel down is worn Late at night I would mourn Looking out my window; down my street I soon will be reborn My heart gets tugged until it's torn Without which I am not complete This path I travel down is worn The night leaves with promises sworn I arise; the day I'm ready to meet I soon will be reborn It's a new day; a new morn I'm ready for a new feat For this path I travel down is worn A new me will soon be born

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 4.50 weighted 4.94 rank 9080 views 147 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

4 comments

[7] horus8 28-Oct-04/9:58 PM Reply
S0-So.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 29-Oct-04/4:52 PM Reply
Yes; the walk to the outhouse can be a terrible, lonely thing. Especially when you know you're going to do a whopper turd.
[6] Sasha 31-Oct-04/7:33 AM Reply
I like this better, a lot better if only because you've actually tried. You are still struggling with the form.

I tried shaping it up a little. It's a bit better this way I think:

This path I travel down is worn
old leaves are crunched beneath my feet
A newer me would be reborn.

My walk began. I was forlorn
In feeling I was lost and beat.
The path I traveled down was worn

In the late nights I'd look out and mourn-
Look out my window; down my street
A newer me will be reborn.

My heart gets tugged until it's torn
Whose tearing makes me incomplete
This path I travel down is worn.

The night departs, its promise sworn
And I arise for day is fleet.
A newer me will be reborn

With the new day whose newer morn
Readies me for a newer feat.
For this path I travel down is worn.
A newer me must be reborn.
[5] tadpole 16-Mar-05/5:18 PM Reply
I don't sense much feeling in the poem, but I bet you have a lot more you could put into it?