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The Stone Seeker and the Stacking (Free verse) by darkshark
Stones counted and stacked in a humble pile Between an old milk carton and switchgrass. I have known every one of them before they Were here; cold, lifeless, and still. They moved with rhythm, soft and steady, Footstep over dead branches, no noise But the warm crumble of soil against And between toes. They spoke in voices, hushed as fading Cigaretes, and laughed like leaves blowing Through the willows and turning against The cliffs. They were motions of quicksilver and Moments of flagstone, sudden but sure To feel for the right grasp and hold on to ropes And bookeshelves in the cold. Surging so much like stormclouds Bounding across the broken sky in billows, In puffs rolling into more summer justice Jagged in the certain blue. That was then, in the cherry-sweet spring, When a daffodil was broken in two, Shared for each petal to be placed in the cupped Hands of the wind. Lifted away past the eyes of geese And bluebirds winging back home, Until the yellow becomes a past event landing In a distant span of rocky earth. Now we are here, back among the burnt orange Of autumn, when I can see the skeletons Shaking off their verdant shrouds, when I can See through to you, hidden for so long in the flickering shade. I look forward to the snow, awaiting foot prints For the permanence of that sinking To the ankle, the wet reaching in above the Boot to remind us of the stones living Underneath. They come in all sizes, from a thumbtack to A paperweight, so I choose carefully, making Sure I leave the thin ones aside, placing the thick Tumblers first, letting them dig hollows in the earth. From there I build, until all that is left is The sliver of stone I almost neglected to see, lost As it was by the antmound in the weeds, But I searched twice, and now the stacking is complete.

Down the ladder: The Flower

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.9403987
Overall Rank: 9076
Posted: January 21, 2005 3:42 PM PST; Last modified: January 21, 2005 3:42 PM PST
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Comments:
[0] SupremeDreamer @ 66.52.155.232 | 21-Jan-05/4:31 PM | Reply
Cigarettes. Might want to correct that spelling...

Now, what exactly was your intention with this... "poem"? No doubt some literary mag would stick it on the first page, but ask yourself, as in the position of the reader, these serious questions:


What the fuck is this poem saying? If anything?

Does it sound like some asswipe is trying to sound amazingly profound?

Does the poem seem written by some 19th century zombie-relic who has an irritating, condescending love of his own voice and ability to lay heavy with the poetical gilding?

Has this poem offered a fucking thing for me, the reader, to make it worth reading?

Do I feel cheated and worthless for wasting my time reading it?


Now, really consider it. Or you can just explain yourself or tell me to fuck off, it's all fun in the end as I see it.

[n/a] darkshark @ 199.174.150.75 > SupremeDreamer | 22-Jan-05/5:27 PM | Reply
I'm glad to see someone read and thought about this poem.
I suppose the meaning of it is rather oblique, and I could fix that. But it's actual one part of a series of poems dealing with a loved one's death. This poem happens to actually be written from the viewpoint of God, who is building up his kingdom one stone -- or human soul -- at a time, and remembering who they were before they changed from their physical state and how they have come to where they are, using the four seasons as a symbol for the passage of life. And as to trying to sound profound, yes, I am to some degree considering who the speaker is supposed to be -- but this was also submitted as a first draft, before any actual editing or paring down on the blatantly overly poetic language.

And what has it offered you? I don't know what it has offered you specifically, but at least it made you think enough to write a fairly lengthy response, which in turn caused me to do the same.

And I'm so sorry if you feel cheated and worthless.
[0] SupremeDreamer @ 66.248.82.95 > darkshark | 26-Jan-05/4:53 AM | Reply
Divine perspective is assumed by that which is condsidered the almighty-- which according to most scripture is beyond comprehension. All-together your loved one is left in the shadow of Jehovah, which pretty much renders him as void.

Now as to god bothering to remember all that each person was in life, that's simply assumed under the theistical asshat.

Considering the assertion that the poem(s) are dealing with one you loved, who passed away, wouldn't it be more relevant to offer creatively your personification of him/her, what he/she meant to you, affected you, etc?

http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=108181

Something which gives a hint of the poems basis... The above is an example, and mayhaps I'm generalizing, or have ideas or concepts stuck in a stubborn, narrow box, but that's my thoughts on your reply...

Oh, and what a nice subtle touch of innuendo, your last final statement..

I'm a sucker for those that like romancing the stone.
[8] Shuushin @ 64.222.171.12 | 21-Jan-05/9:17 PM | Reply
Certainly not a zero - and I don't know what you did to piss off supremedreamer.

This has moments of very nice poetry, but then it starts and fits into almost a Caricature of poetry.

Notch it back a bit and give the thing some focus.
[10] Lifeboatman @ 203.104.94.2 | 21-Jan-05/10:30 PM | Reply
very good, very good.. Don't know what you did to the dreamer there, but I found the poem delightful, so whould he if he wasn't in a bad mood.. 10 of course
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.11.30 > Lifeboatman | 22-Jan-05/5:28 AM | Reply
He's just trying out his new role as "poemranker hardass". He gave himself away saying any literary magazine would look twice at this.
[0] SupremeDreamer @ 66.248.82.95 > zodiac | 26-Jan-05/4:58 AM | Reply
I thought it was already established that I'm one of the obsessed, deranged, overbearing sort.

And actually: I plucked that literary mag bit from Darkie... I'm morphing into a morose, aphotic moth. Fuck rainbows and pretty butterflies.
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