Your Middle-aged Penis (Sagging verse) by Dovina Limp like a worm, Which has been blown, By a gap toothed, Old crone. Your penis is soft, Having recently shed, Its last sperm, sickly sour, Over my pristine bed. Your penis casts about, In the throws of male menopause, Looking as redundant, As your saggy gut. A bulging, empty sack, Now hangs below, Disgusting strangers eyes, Every avenue seems shut But Despair no longer sir, Of a middle aged disposition, Be-seat your waddling thighs, And consider my proposition. I will gladly rent, The space between your legs, There's surely ample room, Now you've shed all your sperm! A penis can command, If you'll listen to my advice, A startlingly expensive, Nay, exorbitant, market price. With a little advertising, I can guarantee, You’ll soon see your penis, As your biggest possibility As escort to where the action is.

There's a lot of truth in "the idea of not knowing everything could scare people into believing anything." That last line - don't like it.

Very catchy at the beggining Like the part about the pimp and his hore..-9-

blatantly obviously, this isn't good. The only good thing I found in this to my liking was I could build them in pots One by one Drop by drop The rest, I'm sorry to say, needs work. You begin as if in a conversation and then randomly try to rhyme without much purpose - like a twelve year old. Then you attempt to sound all knowingish in line four. eeccchhh Then somethingsoemthing about a bee.

haha i kinda liked it.

excellent! lol

As I've said before, I'm not a big fan of the Bible poems. This is mainly because I am wholly uneducated regarding Christianity, and mainly because what I have learned about it is utter bollocks. Due to my limited knowledge of the subject matter, I'll hold my vote.

So, is this about something else, or are you leaving again? Nice poem, btw.

I didn't read it back in '03, but this edit is intense. I'd take the parens away from "mine" and the "a" from "ferocity," otherwise great.

Ok, Ready To Snap (forgive me for not going to all the trouble of putting the stars and things in): 1) Check your spelling and punctuation before you post. It makes it hard when the reader is trying to figure out if you lost your fate or your Fiat...and exactly how you lose fate in the first place. 2) When you post poetry, you're hoping that people will read and enjoy it, right? Well, when you write about how much you hate your life and want to kill yourself, people don't enjoy it. Sure, I know it helps to write and vent your feelings. I'm just saying that noone wants to read a poem about it unless it's REALLY well worded to a point where you have to think about it to figure it out (and even then, a lot of people don't). 3) Try reading some other poetry before you write. Get an idea of how to use meter and rhyme. When you force rhymes (as you did here) it makes the poem harder to follow and basically reveals the fact that you don't know what your doing. And I don't mean search for poems with suicide in the title, or read two or three...I mean really read and comprehend and learn (and just because it's on the Poemranker Best List or has a 6 or 7 rating doesn't mean it's good.) 4) People talk shit about your poetry and say mean things because that's the way it is on Poemranker. That's as simply as I can put it. If you're going to post here, get used to it. Occasionally, you'll get an honest critique, but mostly you're going to have people call you a dunce. 5) They think this poem is awful because it is. Now, before you go getting your feelings hurt, know this: Most of the poems on here are awful, my own included. That's why we're posting them here instead of making money having them published. Maybe you'll take this and work on your writing and actually get tobe good. I hope you do. Or, maybe you'll say I'm an idiot and I'm mean and just go on posting rambling poems that get lost in the shuffle as most people do. Either way, good luck.

super.

If I could tolerate beaver, I'd wear yours.

this is amazing, truly awesome.

It's interesting enough to get a 7, but it's without the point of intensity, I think, underlying this beautiful subject. Is it about a (forgive this term) Conversation with God. I created a more juvenile counterpart to this poem a few ago titled " An intolerable rash brother". I too have my bones to pick with the great "You". So I've canvased the world. Vote on the poem I mentioned o' mine, comment on it, drain it of extraneous blabbery, pick it asunder, and get back to me. I want and value your opinion.

Do you mean "Cortizone" the drug, which I might have misspelled? weeped should be "wept" in this context I think. The soul of satin, a female, who brought home the bacon causes wonderment on whether this is about Jesus, God, or your real brother. "We'll teach you to swallow" is good.

Dovina the poem is very nice, the title explains what the poem is all about if you read it carefully.

Aint nothin' so good as luve! A few too many words, I think. Here's what I'd do: Line 5 - scratch "One that has" Line 6 - scratch "being on" Line 8 - scatch "within" and change "cause" to "'cause"

Good line: "Their well-thought-out plan Of giving birth to a slave." But I think "mere presence of time" does injustice to the process of coming to this realization. Prose Poem perhaps, not Pimple.

A tender expression of love. The king James English is a nice touch, but several places, I believe the grammar is wrong. Line 1 - "doth" is spelled "doeth", but should be "do" in the plural, or just leave it out. Other lines similar. "shalt" should be "shall" after an I. "surely thou doth knowest" -> surely thou knowest "inspiring my soul to happily moan" - good line.

A lot of vague attempts at imagery here that are not developed. Some seem there only for rhyme and rhythm. The cadance is good, but I miss finding any strong point to it all.