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CUPID (Free verse) by al-naafiysh
I'm so happy I don't know what to do, perhaps smile at the world, and kick off my shoes dance a jig, and swing hips low. Pop it back up and give'm some mo' Today I'm singing to a different tune. One that has a melody that keeps me consumed. So I'm spreading this happiness to everyone I meet,being on cloud nine is where I can be reached. I wanna share this joy, this feelin' within,cause cupid done struck me in my heart again.

Up the ladder: Homecoming
Down the ladder: Church

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Weighted score: 4.9761596
Overall Rank: 8349
Posted: February 11, 2005 2:20 PM PST; Last modified: February 11, 2005 2:20 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 12.72.5.202 | 11-Feb-05/3:12 PM | Reply
Aint nothin' so good as luve!
A few too many words, I think. Here's what I'd do:
Line 5 - scratch "One that has"
Line 6 - scratch "being on"
Line 8 - scatch "within" and change "cause" to "'cause"
[n/a] al-naafiysh @ 204.215.33.152 > Dovina | 12-Feb-05/12:02 AM | Reply
Thank you Dovina for showing me my faults.
Again thanks.
[10] MacFrantic @ 152.163.100.67 | 12-Feb-05/7:42 PM | Reply
Man, that was such an entertaining poem! Little changes here and there-I won't be specific- and it's perfect! *10*

Can you put a single stanza in your "favorites" section?
157 view(s)




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