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CUPID (Free verse) by al-naafiysh
I'm so happy I don't know what to do, perhaps smile at the world, and
kick off my shoes dance a jig, and swing hips low.
Pop it back up and give'm some mo'
Today I'm singing to a different tune.
One that has a melody that keeps me consumed.
So I'm spreading this happiness to everyone I meet,being on
cloud nine is where I can be reached.
I wanna share this joy, this feelin' within,cause cupid done struck me
in my heart again.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Weighted score: 4.9761596
Overall Rank: 8349
Posted: February 11, 2005 2:20 PM PST; Last modified: February 11, 2005 2:20 PM PST
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Comments:
157 view(s)
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A few too many words, I think. Here's what I'd do:
Line 5 - scratch "One that has"
Line 6 - scratch "being on"
Line 8 - scatch "within" and change "cause" to "'cause"
Again thanks.