Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

My Angel (Free verse) by jroday
Yea tho the angels doth line up to see thy lovely face. Admiring thy beauty, elegance and grace. Mortals too are trembling at the sight their eyes doth see. Mine heart doth give thanks, for this lady who stood by me. Never caring what the world outside doth feel, for as we rode this roller coster of life, we knew that our love was for real. Thou didst stroll into my life at a time when I was so all along, whispering into the darkness, inspiring mine soul to happily moan. Watching thy nakedness dance around playfully for mine eyes to see. Surely thou doth knowest ye were tailor made in Heaven for me. I have been to hell and back done things a man should never do. But thou didst turn me inside out, for that, I shalt dedicate my love forever to you. Ye have breathed life back into a flower that had wilted and died. Having thee in mine life, is worth all the tears mine eyes have cried.

Up the ladder: Poetry
Down the ladder: This, my love is for you

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 4.3333335
Weighted score: 4.9205313
Overall Rank: 9455
Posted: February 12, 2005 2:33 AM PST; Last modified: February 12, 2005 2:33 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 12.72.5.91 | 12-Feb-05/7:59 AM | Reply
A tender expression of love. The king James English is a nice touch, but several places, I believe the grammar is wrong.
Line 1 - "doth" is spelled "doeth", but should be "do" in the plural, or just leave it out. Other lines similar.

"shalt" should be "shall" after an I.

"surely thou doth knowest" -> surely thou knowest

"inspiring my soul to happily moan" - good line.
[n/a] jroday @ 204.215.33.151 > Dovina | 13-Feb-05/2:05 AM | Reply
This was my first time trying to write The King James English.
[6] MacFrantic @ 152.163.100.67 | 12-Feb-05/7:38 PM | Reply
Interesting venture.
The structure could use some work.
*6*
[n/a] wilco @ 24.165.207.93 | 12-Feb-05/8:39 PM | Reply
Sorry. Read the first line and stopped. Some people like the King James English. I don't. We're not living in the 1700's so let's not write like we are. Some people like it, i know so I'll not vote.
196 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001