Re: A SURREAL DEPREDATION! by anushree	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Oct-05/11:14 AM
The ...... is only distracting. Typo in line 6. Some good lines here, but what are you saying?
Re: LIFELINE by outofdarkness138	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Oct-05/11:20 AM
When a dying person realizes the futility and knows the person he's crying out to wants to help but there's nothing she can do, then you are near the end. Well said, if that's what you mean. Leave out "thee" though.
Re: A LOVER’S TORMENT by anushree	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Oct-05/11:22 AM
amost of the rhymes seem forced. Still it's a good sentiment.
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 207.179.148.78	22-Oct-05/7:09 PM
I agree with Tilde (what a surprise) about the comma after pretty. However, the first stanza has a problem: the rhyme of the last two lines somehow sounds like there should be other rhymes. I didn't like that here, for some reason. Also, 'plume': doesn't seem to quite work. 'Plumes' perhaps, or even 'plumage', but plume in the singular I don't quite like. It must be the sound of it, because I agree that sense-wise, it'S perfect.
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 207.179.148.78	22-Oct-05/7:10 PM
Fine. Don't listen to me.
Re: Leg by jessicazee	Tintagiles 207.179.148.78	22-Oct-05/7:14 PM
Not that I necessarily disagree with the poem (especially since I've never seen your legs), but whether or not a hairy female leg is nice or not depends on the shape of the leg. As a rule, hairy ones will be just as nice when shaved, though the reverse is not necessarily true.
Re: The Marble Me by PsydewaysTears	Tintagiles 207.179.148.78	22-Oct-05/7:16 PM
The first two lines aren't bad. The rest...
Re: How often? by little_big_nose	Tintagiles 207.179.148.78	22-Oct-05/7:20 PM
'And how often do we separate our masters from the leash' -- what?
Re: Slim and Pretty, Or Not by Dovina	Tintagiles 207.179.148.78	22-Oct-05/7:22 PM
But fuller, un-sucked-in stomachs make better drums!
Re: In my palm by Prince of Void	zodiac 217.144.7.195	23-Oct-05/5:02 AM
You're probably too young to know that for one glorious summer the name on everyone's lips was Evan Dando.
Re: Count the Days by longships	zodiac 217.144.7.195	23-Oct-05/5:04 AM
Yeah, and I've got news for you: being a poet doesn't get you laid like it used to, when Wordsworth and Coleridge could get non-scaggy college girls whenever they wanted without waiting or foreplay.
Re: Ruins by Caducus	Caducus 172.201.235.165	24-Oct-05/3:26 AM
I dont know about htis one it was written a year ago, you lot decide.
Re: Ruins by Caducus	zodiac 217.144.7.195	24-Oct-05/4:11 AM
Why sculptured instead of sculpted? As it is you have 'a statue sculptured', a verb which I can only imagine means 'made like a statue'. In other words, making sculpted 'sculptured' adds no meaning at all and eliminates an easy chance to add meaning. On a constructive note, I think it would be helpful for you to add actual, modern details about Rome. Seriously.
Re: Send The Devil... by horus8	zodiac 217.144.7.195	24-Oct-05/4:12 AM
Nice.
Re: Petals by Jeremi B. Handrinos	zodiac 217.144.7.195	24-Oct-05/4:13 AM
"My plight for water" is worth a ten. The rest's an eight.
Re: Haven by cyan9	zodiac 217.144.7.195	24-Oct-05/10:33 AM
Wow. This is like a dictionary of creepy words, but formatted by a post-prime Billy Corgan.
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	<~> 167.206.181.179	24-Oct-05/11:23 AM
you nailed it. bravo.
Re: Haven by cyan9	<~> 167.206.181.179	24-Oct-05/11:24 AM
i want to feel you from the inside.
regarding some deleted poem...	<~> 167.206.181.179	24-Oct-05/11:26 AM
this line doesn't jibe for me: It is almost like a dream today, because you are out of time, now. or at least that's the mood you set with the opening strophe.
Re: Ruins by Caducus	<~> 167.206.181.179	24-Oct-05/11:27 AM
the ending is quite lyrical, cad, but somehow the rest falls short.