Re: The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>	Caducus 172.201.235.165	20-Oct-05/9:23 AM
I want lines 5 and 8 - lathe wonderful use of it too.
regarding some deleted poem...	<~> 167.206.181.179	20-Oct-05/1:41 PM
knowing that Shannon is a she makes it for me. This is lovely. well done, sir!
regarding some deleted poem...	<~> 167.206.181.179	20-Oct-05/1:46 PM
a couple of suggestions, if i may: a comma, here: as he sat pretty, rotting. transpose the words from: but he only loved his jailor. to: but he loved only his jailor. a period here, to stop the thought: heard him sing a winter opus. and rearrange this: sent sweet dew on his grave to glisten. to this, to cross-rhyme it instead of end-rhyming: sent sweet dew to glisten on his grave. and the last few lines, i would lose the rhymes, as they are inconsistent with the rest of the poem. quite the experiment.
Re: Marriage by Dovina	Caducus 172.201.235.165	21-Oct-05/5:10 AM
I like the thoughts in this poem they are well written and orchestrated and though a mere opinion of one a damn eloquent one at that. This in my humble opinion is one of your strongest - its very good. Its also a good piece to do open mic.
Re: love shall set you free by stacylynn_3	little_big_nose 163.153.198.87	21-Oct-05/5:48 AM
someone needs a hug!!!!!
Re: plants grow from caskets by skaskowski	little_big_nose 163.153.198.87	21-Oct-05/5:51 AM
Why would god make you "brown and bloody, bone exposed", and is there a reason it's only your foot, or does god just hate your foot?
Re: God's Angels by _iamtwilight_	little_big_nose 163.153.198.87	21-Oct-05/5:54 AM
Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Your daughter is out there on the streets waiting for you.
Re: How often? by little_big_nose	zodiac 217.144.7.195	21-Oct-05/9:33 AM
Have you ever heard of the question mark? If you're going to be asking questions, it's the only way to go.
Re: The Marble Me by PsydewaysTears	zodiac 217.144.7.195	21-Oct-05/9:35 AM
I thought from the title this was going to be awful. Then the goth-pop came in and I saw the marble was actually a, you know, shooting marble. Ace. -10-
Re: Leg by jessicazee	zodiac 217.144.7.195	21-Oct-05/9:38 AM
Wow, sexy. Now I'm all like, (chugachugachugachugachugachugachugachugachugachuga) - She's got legs... (chugachugachugachugachugachugachugachugachugachuga) ...and she kno-ows how to use them...
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Oct-05/10:04 AM
It seems more an experament in husbandry to a cruel wife - grief to be sure, with or without alcohol. Maybe he really loved her, and maybe I've got it all wrong. But I've seen a man like this, chained to his wife, thinking she's good for him, and doubting in my mind that she's any more than a jailer. This is a very tender and touching expression for me, yet I realize it might not be what you are saying at all.
Re: Leg by jessicazee	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Oct-05/10:10 AM
It's uncertain whether the legs in the first part are yours or his. It's a sexy romp in any case.
Re: Leg by jessicazee	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Oct-05/10:10 AM
It's uncertain whether the legs in the first part are yours or his. It's a sexy romp in any case.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 217.144.7.195	21-Oct-05/10:25 AM
The image of the thorn bird is great, that's why it was used to say exactly the same thing in the famous novel and miniseries The Thorn Birds. I don't see how this poem could lose from changing it to some other bird, except it would lose some whiff of secondhandness.
Re: a fat man on the dock by ay deee	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Oct-05/10:43 AM
Again, the first line (last line in your other poem) seems out of place, though it's a good line. I'd drop the first verse altogether.
Re: The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Oct-05/11:22 AM
"phantoms of future turn wooden on the lathe of fact." !!!
Re: Leg by jessicazee	<~> 167.206.181.179	21-Oct-05/11:34 AM
nice.
Re: Leg by jessicazee	INTRANSIT 12.36.196.2	21-Oct-05/2:01 PM
What? No vvvvipvvvvvipvvvvvvvip of corduroy?
Re: Slim and Pretty, Or Not by Dovina	INTRANSIT 12.36.196.2	21-Oct-05/2:03 PM
*TWIST* there's a match for you. Thank got for rubenesquenesses. es.
Re: Slim and Pretty, Or Not by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	22-Oct-05/9:34 AM
A nearsighted man will see you clearly if you are close, and fuzzily from a distance. Are you sure that's what you meant? That aside, rather too like one of those women's-keychain jokes like, Have you ever noticed all of women's problems start with 'Men'?