Re: Send The Devil... by horus8	<~> 167.206.181.179	24-Oct-05/11:29 AM
it's good to read you again.
Re: fox and hounds by nentwined	Dovina 69.175.32.104	24-Oct-05/1:04 PM
Uncanny, the similarities with "Eclipse" But you have a baboon.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.104	24-Oct-05/1:10 PM
The last verse is very dark, for halloween. The first line is mathematically incorrect.
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	wilco 24.92.74.122	24-Oct-05/6:57 PM
The falling into religion part is great and I rather like the -ly
Re: Eternity by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	24-Oct-05/7:25 PM
I think you should have stopped after the location line and it would've been pretty okay, but I think the last half kills it.
Re: untitled rubiayait 2 by starkfister	wilco 24.92.74.122	24-Oct-05/7:54 PM
whut?
Re: Take Heart Mr. Drake, the Worst is Behind You by wilco	Dovina 69.175.32.104	24-Oct-05/8:09 PM
Some good lines here, but as a song, and even as a poem, I think it needs a more direct approach, the form of a balad, where the story builds and the rhythm carries it.
Re: Ruins by Caducus	wilco 24.92.74.122	24-Oct-05/8:10 PM
Not the best I've seen from you..
Re: fox and hounds by nentwined	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/2:31 AM
Well, you were never going to be able to get away with the moon's laughter running down your thigh. Nice attempt.
Re: Eternity by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/2:40 AM
Woo-hoo. Mt Nebo's here in Jordan, you know. Upward, indeed. Everything except "But the opposite is true / Strength and vigor exhausted" is great. Change that to something less totally didactic and wood-tongued. Or drop it altogether. DOVINA: But that line's the whole point! ZODIAC: Exactly.
Re: MOMENTS From A Madman's Mind by PsydewaysTears	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/3:01 AM
Way to fix the title. Now what's with all the randomly capitalized words?
Re: dialect by skaskowski	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/3:02 AM
A: Negro.
Re: i hung that page to dry by FreeFormFixation	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/3:03 AM
Are you painting a photograph? Touching-up?
Re: hoppy by calliope	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/3:07 AM
God bless thy poor bald pate. God bless. thy hollow winking eyes God bless thy shriveld beard. God. bless. thy many wrinkled forehead Thou hast no teeth old man & thus I kiss thy sleek bald head Heva come kiss his bald head for he will not hurt us Heva -Blake, Tiriel
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/5:45 AM
Ironic that this is the one people seem to get. Also ironic that you recently scolded me for having strung together phrases. Love the toothless men with knives line. A little Freudian Psycho-babble for ya. Religion is in a warm vagina. You're not gonna find it in the chosen land. Atheism is in a masturbater's fist. Your religion's in alaska but your pride is in your hand. ALChemy psycho-babble: Get your ass to Alaska pronto lest thou fall amongst ye dumb morons. -10-
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/5:54 AM
PS: Great critique and suggestions on my latest poem. I was on vacation, as you were from my constant debating.
Re: Eternity by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/6:29 AM
If "But the opposite is true" refers to "It’s location location location" then bravo. If it refers to "Her condition’s going down" than BOO! It's the meat of a contradiction sandwich because you follow with -"Strength and vigor exhausted". I know you're taking what the doctors are saying out of context but it's a bit confusing. Did you write this in MS Word because all the first letters in each line are capitalized. Interesting point of view. Optimistic, no sense of dread what-so-ever.
Re: fox and hounds by nentwined	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/7:00 AM
Why baboon? I assume it means the fox. besides the dogs anger, who else has anger and why? The one anger actually seems to imply one out of two or more. "an anger" would be clearer. This would make a great introduction to something. Love the suggestion of rhyme in this poem.
Re: Questions by TLRufener	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/7:15 AM
Answer: No and nothing.
Re: hoppy by calliope	Dovina 69.175.32.104	25-Oct-05/7:24 AM
Yes. Eat, drink and be merry, make love, for tomorrow you die. There, is hope.