Re: i hung that page to dry by FreeFormFixation	Dovina 69.175.32.104	25-Oct-05/7:28 AM
speak for the spoken silence - maybe leave out spoken. fall to the floor as ash - maybe leave out fall.
Re: dialect by skaskowski	Dovina 69.175.32.104	25-Oct-05/7:33 AM
Like a bad dream. But the next to last verse suggests God. That's a good verse.
Re: Ruins by Caducus	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/7:36 AM
Put "I'm" at the beginning of "sculptured by architects". You've got punctuation problems in the first stanza. Some nice sentiment though.
regarding some deleted poem...	LilMsLadyPoet 24.162.238.185	25-Oct-05/10:46 AM
I means I...as in me the writer...you is the reader, or to whom I wrote this scene...(In either case the one sharing this scene with me.) I tried to create a walking-through scene within this. The use of I/you was to create fantasy, an illusion of it taking place...through guided imagery, if you will. I have shared this with others who have liked it quite well...am suprised bu the response here. Perhaps it is better-liked among those who like to play within fantasy's realm a bit more than most?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/12:55 PM
This would be good, maybe, except my rule is never use anything you've ever heard or seen before in poem, book, song, or film. I happen to love the Neil Young song. Also, drop either "once" or "last" from the line that has both.
Re: Intimate Joy by flightoffancy	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/12:57 PM
By a bizarre coincidence, a guy in this internet cafe just asked me what the English word "intimate" means. I'm afraid to ask why he wants to know.
Re: when i make sculpture by ay deee	Dovina 69.175.32.104	25-Oct-05/5:37 PM
The last verse is a disappointment after that good build-up.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.104	25-Oct-05/5:41 PM
Sensuous, some good lines. "pulls the strings" -> pull. What's that stuff at the bottom?
Re: Intimate Joy by flightoffancy	wilco 24.92.74.122	25-Oct-05/7:17 PM
The uncrossable void line doesn't really work
Re: MOMENTS From A Madman's Mind by PsydewaysTears	wilco 24.92.74.122	25-Oct-05/7:21 PM
The third stanza is just not very good, but the rest isnt too bad...not real wild about the capitalized words either...I'm guessing you did it because they all have to do with time, but it's actually kind of distracting.
Re: when i make sculpture by ay deee	zodiac 217.144.7.195	26-Oct-05/5:53 AM
"Usage Note: It is not surprising that blatant and flagrant are often confused, since the words have overlapping meanings. Both attribute conspicuousness and offensiveness to certain acts. Blatant emphasizes the failure to conceal the act. Flagrant, on the other hand, emphasizes the serious wrongdoing inherent in the offense. Certain contexts may admit either word depending on what is meant: a violation of human rights might be either blatant or flagrant. If it was committed with contempt for public scrutiny, it is blatant. If its barbarity was monstrous, it is flagrant. Blatant is sometimes used to mean simply “obvious,” as in the blatant danger of such an approach, but this use has not been established and is widely considered an error."
Re: Take Heart Mr. Drake, the Worst is Behind You by wilco	<~> 167.206.181.179	26-Oct-05/10:06 AM
i like this.
Re: i hung that page to dry by FreeFormFixation	<~> 167.206.181.179	26-Oct-05/10:19 AM
the sounds in these first 5 stanzas are gorgeous!! the last two stanzas don't pack the punch the first 5 do. this is a weak simile: til all they heard from me was silence like a silent willow tree. all in all, you weaken the poem when you resolve it. ood, that.
Re: when i make sculpture by ay deee	<~> 167.206.181.179	26-Oct-05/10:20 AM
excellent visuals here.
Re: when i make sculpture by ay deee	Niphredil 192.117.112.145	26-Oct-05/11:20 AM
stalactite or stalagmite, not stalagtite. :-) Good work!
Re: The cold shoulder by <~>	wilco 24.92.74.122	26-Oct-05/2:20 PM
constellation sex..
Re: Tough Love by Crann Mascher	wilco 24.92.74.122	26-Oct-05/4:06 PM
Sounds like a Ween song off the 12 Golden Country Greats album....nice
Re: Multiplicity the Hallucination by vulcan	oneglove 24.171.9.144	27-Oct-05/12:14 AM
huh?
Re: The cold shoulder by <~>	zodiac 217.144.7.195	27-Oct-05/4:16 AM
Awesome. The best part is you were giggling. I love it.
Re: Every Time by pletcgm	zodiac 217.144.7.195	27-Oct-05/4:21 AM
I suggest you change the title of this poem to "Chills with Bumps". Otherwise, ace.