| Re: The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy |
Dental Panic 84.27.6.94 |
24-Nov-05/6:08 PM |
|
|
 |
| Re: Blackout, Amman, November, 2005 by zodiac |
Dental Panic 84.27.6.94 |
24-Nov-05/6:13 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina |
some deleted user 204.97.18.217 |
24-Nov-05/9:41 PM |
|
A great poem about loss. I live in the north east and can identify with "the delicious sadness of fall." Good job!
|
|
|
|
| Re: Due Consideration by Dovina |
zodiac 81.10.122.113 |
25-Nov-05/1:02 AM |
|
Here's a perfect example:
REASON: Dovina might be slightly racist.
DOVINA'S BELIEFS: Nooooooooooo!
|
|
|
|
| Re: The Dreamhole by cyan9 |
zodiac 81.10.122.113 |
25-Nov-05/1:22 AM |
|
This would be good by Keane doing British pop doing Radiohead.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Colorbars by wilco |
zodiac 81.10.122.113 |
25-Nov-05/1:26 AM |
|
The best of your lyrics I've read. My only suggestions are drop 'serenade' and keep the last verse more naturalistic, like the others.
|
|
|
|
| Re: The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy |
zodiac 81.10.122.113 |
25-Nov-05/1:28 AM |
|
I like the music references. What I don't like is using the worm so much. There's already a great poem with that image, you need to add something, a strong image of your own.
|
|
|
|
| Re: O dear. by celticskatermatt1 |
zodiac 81.10.122.113 |
25-Nov-05/1:31 AM |
|
I predict you're not going to care what we say about this poem. Good for you. You'll show us.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Derrick Holmes by rahson_s |
zodiac 81.10.122.113 |
25-Nov-05/1:36 AM |
|
I like the style. There's a bunch of missing punctuation and randomly capitalized words, and 'addiction' is misspelled, but the half-rhymes are really cool. I kind of wish this was a little more meaningful than a book report.
|
|
|
|
| Re: i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee |
zodiac 81.10.122.113 |
25-Nov-05/1:40 AM |
|
"all kinds of guns waving in the air" and "explaining how my arm hurts" are really weak lines. The rest is pretty good.
|
|
|
|
| Re: The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy |
cyan9 217.40.63.105 |
25-Nov-05/3:18 AM |
|
In a different league to the rest.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Colorbars by wilco |
cyan9 217.40.63.105 |
25-Nov-05/3:20 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: The Dreamhole by cyan9 |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
25-Nov-05/4:19 AM |
|
It does sound like a lyric, doesn't it. Pretty catchy one too.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Colorbars by wilco |
Niphredil 192.114.44.196 |
25-Nov-05/6:04 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: Colorbars by wilco |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
25-Nov-05/10:21 AM |
|
Cool. Like a screen play for Sin City.
Cyan9. I'm surprised you didn't point this out.
|
|
|
|
| Re: The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
25-Nov-05/11:40 AM |
|
I like the Islamic references, but wish you'd leave Bin Laden out. Would be stronger I think just showing the attitudes. And prestidigitation adds nothing over magic. Some good images, but some are vague.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
25-Nov-05/8:17 PM |
|
"Was I just another bulimia?" -Yuck-
The rest is OK.
|
|
|
|
| Re: listen by elderking |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
26-Nov-05/12:30 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: The Conqueror Worm by zodiac |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
26-Nov-05/2:37 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: listen by elderking |
Dovina 66.127.145.10 |
26-Nov-05/9:08 AM |
|
It seems a complicasted way of saying she ignores you.
|
|
|
|
