Re: Due Consideration by Dovina	cyan9 217.40.63.105	22-Nov-05/8:09 AM
Absolutely full of actions to analyse and think about. Draws readers like me to think much deeper into your personality than most pieces that aim to state who you are. I think I might use this style later in order to try and shape a persons experience by the actions and pathways that you give them to analyse, rather than to present them with the analysis in a statement (may lead to a much richer form). Back to the poem though, I found a slightly unpleasant break in the flow at the stanza with the unborn word to be an absolute high point of the piece. If you had continued with the flow all the way, I may have thought that this was a delightful little piece and should score it an 8 for having a nice rhyme; however the break in the flow caused me to pause to think, and thus dive into the analysis and the ideas that this provokes. My only problem is that I dont quite understand the 2 lines about statring "To give".
Re: i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee	cyan9 217.40.63.105	22-Nov-05/8:37 AM
Imaginative title, piece kind of reminds me of Sin City
Re: i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee	Dovina 209.247.222.88	22-Nov-05/1:49 PM
A 36-minute dream. Were you watching the clock?
Re: Due Consideration by Dovina	elderking 209.79.199.151	22-Nov-05/4:11 PM
excellent; the last stanza (is that the correct word?) is simple and clear (a 'lesson' I could stand to learn!) elderking
Re: Waiting For The Light To Change by elderking	elderking 209.79.199.151	22-Nov-05/4:15 PM
Dovina- Thanks. It's mostly a true story that happened to me a few summers ago. That guy was bizarre! Thanks for your comments and interest. elderking
Re: Mending by elderking	elderking 209.79.199.151	22-Nov-05/4:28 PM
Thanks for the comments. I've always had a little trouble knowing when the piece is "complete" or if it still needs some work. This piece I've been writing and rewriting for over 10 yrs!
Re: Devictus by nocturnalism	Dovina 209.247.222.86	22-Nov-05/5:01 PM
Why do you curse the gods for you unforgivableness? Still, it's a haunting lament.
Re: One Second by TLRufener	Dovina 209.247.222.86	22-Nov-05/5:02 PM
I will comment and vote on this if you will promise not to delete any more comments that are not your own.
Re: Waiting For The Light To Change by elderking	elderking 209.79.199.85	22-Nov-05/5:19 PM
Oops sorry; I didn't intend for that to happen. What did I do wrong?
Re: Derrick Holmes by rahson_s	cyan9 217.40.63.105	23-Nov-05/1:50 AM
Sin City. Captivates the feel of gangster talk from films, I thought there were places where the piece could benefit from more elaberate use of language e.g we Moved the bodies to the car outside seating two Italian >>> We packed the stiffs in the motor Outside seating two butch mafiosos -pardon the spelling-
Re: No Worries by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.97	23-Nov-05/7:17 AM
I have been accused, elsewhere on Poemranker, of plagiarizing this poem. I ask you, has plagiarism occurred when I cite the source and describe how I use it?
Re: The Rise of Dr Herbert Cyan by cyan9	Dovina 209.247.222.97	23-Nov-05/7:40 AM
I take the good doctor as a creation of the character Marvyn Hyde. (You need to change the footnote.) It portrays for me the process of self reinvention, which I can relate to. Alchemy thought you were talking about drugs, and maybe you are.
Re: Lines by OneFingerAnswer	cyan9 217.40.63.105	23-Nov-05/7:55 AM
Something that I think everyone thinks at some point, put very clearly, although the last line one would suppose should mean that your tongue was trying to trick you; except your tongue tripping over imples that somebody else had caught you.... perhaps a little more than meets the eye here, or someone looking to hard???
Re: A Modern Woman by Dovina	zodiac 81.10.119.26	24-Nov-05/12:53 AM
She doesn't hang out at the same places you do.
Re: A Modern Woman by Dovina	cyan9 217.40.63.105	24-Nov-05/1:48 AM
Good Luck, theyre difficult to find, Ive been looking out for quite some time.
Re: O dear. by celticskatermatt1	cyan9 217.40.63.105	24-Nov-05/1:54 AM
O Dear, not another one. When will these people realise.... I felt compelled to give this a low vote, firstly on the basis that it lulled me towards the position of wanting to vomit, but not enougth so as to stick two fingers down my throat. Secondly it uses the word love a hell of a lot, without saying anything about your feelings or this other person, and so feels somewhat less than loving and more like a manic fad; whether that is the intention or not.
Re: A Modern Woman by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	24-Nov-05/6:01 AM
How is that modern. My grandmother could do all those things and probably did and her lifestyle was never more modern than what you might see on The Waltons. Unfortunately you can't meet her because she died in the late 80s. Maybe change modern to free and you might have more of a statement. The first stanza has nice rhythm.
Re: O dear. by celticskatermatt1	Dovina 69.175.32.104	24-Nov-05/11:52 AM
It's the way of emotion, and emotion gets it's way. After "Due Consideration" (see my poem by that title) we decide by the seat of our pants or by what feels right. You've said it well.
Re: Moving Forward In Reverse (For Ann) by wilco	Dark Angle 68.101.115.45	24-Nov-05/1:10 PM
this shouldnt be # 1, not saying it should be last though. maybe # 10293.
Re: The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy	wilco 24.92.74.122	24-Nov-05/5:50 PM
Sympathy for the Devil reference...nice..