amanda_dcosta
on fox and hounds by nentwined
13 Dec 2005, 9:41 PM
Moon's affection ?..........
cranium in the third stanza just doesn't sound right for me...
Beautiful insight into what life is about.........."that will continue after I have passed on."
written well. - 9 -
Excuse me, but is this a poem or an essay. Try putting the same matter in poetic form. It will be more creative while still emphasing your point on the debate.
Good going.... I love rhyming verse. Still, in real life are you as dedicated as you pen down. Would really make a difference to your world.
Am not good at reviewing. Am new to this field, and don't really know what to look for in a poem or poet's expressions. All the same I liked it.
Good going.... I love rhyming verse. Still, in real life are you as dedicated as you pen down. Would really make a difference to your world.
Am not good at reviewing. Am new to this field, and don't really know what to look for in a poem or poet's expressions. All the same I liked it.
My my... aren't you a very insecure person.
You're really vulgar. Makes me sick just reviewing your so called poem. You're an insult to the English language.
Beautiful! Anyway, who's the one who is going to die soon, and who is this character going crazy that he is of such inspiration to you. Just curious.
Uh huh..... Wish I never had that kind of a dream. And I have never had that kind either..... none that i can think of, with guns and bullets burning in my arm. Gives me the creeps. Where I come from, we don't see guns around here and people don't sleep with guns for defence either.
Nicely written, though.
last line's pretty funny.
very odd.
well, its been interesting reading about the debate on intelligence and richness. while, zodiacs point on a higher IQ score in america is a possibilty as it has been shown that with higher levels of education there is a rise in IQ. HOWEVER that in no way can be equated to success. Its been shown that people with higher EQs(emotional quotient) do much better than people with higher IQs be it in a financial sense or in a social sense.
Again equating the fact that americans have a higher IQ and thats why they are more successful or will be more successful as compared to the rest of the world also does not make sense. Civilizations have risen and fallen. The american led civilization is just another spike in the march of time. COMPARED to the great civilizations that rose from other places, america is only a few hundred years old. Time will flow on and other civilizations will rise and fall. Its funny how IQ shifts with the time.
I believe all people are basically equal but wealth does give you a chance to develop your intelligence, however that in no way guarantees you a good future. I believe human desperation and plain old luck plays a great part in human future. Everytime people have been forced to start from scratch and fight their way up, they generally produce tougher civilisations. While richer places have fallen down, with greed and decadence slowly eating out their souls. This has been one of the lessons of time.
To push this debate into more irrelevance i believe that america will continue to lead the world for some period in the future but as time goes on and the forces of globilisation will push the world together, a period of increased co-dependence will begin. As man push on to the stars the next great civilsations will begin there for the people who venture forth willl be more desperate and innovate better than the people of earth, IQ not being a factor. Remember necessity is the mother of all inventions, and not IQ.
now thats creative. writer's block?
I checked onelook.com, search terms *mary, *mery, *mory, and *mury, and got:
GEMMARY, n. A receptacle for jewels or gems; a jewel house; jewels or gems, collectively.
GREMORY, in demonology, a strong Duke of Hell that governs twenty-six legions of demons. She tells all things past, present and future, about hidden treasures, and procures the love of women, young and old, but especially maidens. She is depicted as appearing in the form of a beautiful woman with the crown of a duchess tied around her waist, and riding a camel. Other spellings: Gamory, Gemory, Gomory
BLOMERY, n. (Manuf.) A furnace and forge in which wrought iron in the form of blooms is made directly from the ore, or (more rarely) from cast iron.
GRAMARY, magic; enchantment
(NOTE-http://phrontistery.info/ for obscure words. It's ace.)
NUMMARY, a. Of or relating to coins or money.
FLUMMERY, n, Meaningless or deceptive language; humbug. Any of several soft, sweet, bland foods, such as custard.
BUMMERY, n. See Bottomery. [Obs.] There was a scivener of Wapping brought to hearing for relief against a bummery bond. --R. North.
STEMMERY, n. A large building in which tobacco is stemmed
Also, SUMMARY, PRIMARY, INFIRMARY.
If you want to use an obscure word for the rhyme, try the Dylan trick of using the obscure word for the first appearance of the sound, followed by the obvious rhyme (rather than looking like you forced yourself to resort to an obscure word to finish the rhyme.)
Simply change the line so "memory" is "memorable" and then change the last line so it ends with "ephemeral".
s1 -- fun
s2 -- more fun
s3 -- simple, straightforward, but fitting
s4 -- too straightforward in seeming, to me, even though I'm completely not getting line 4; flow seems off, as well, somehow.
s5 -- also not quite fun enough (maybe if you cut 'but alas'). Hmm.
I like the first two lines.
In winter, all that lives is not necessarily green.
"The sun has risen to fall"
When it changes from description to story in S3, it feel like the start of a new poem.
Soil has swords? Where? Make it something else bejewelled. Or make a better metaphor for frost than jewels.
corvids - no apostrophe. platoons - no apostrophe. Hopefully you're starting to get the problem.
Sun has risen, not rose. Not even in joke.
winter's - with an apostrophe, because it's possessive.
Verse 3 is great. The only part of this even close to what I'd call "the style of I like." Verse 4's good too.