Re: You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/4:37 PM
boring.
Re: You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet	zodiac 69.132.67.140	13-Dec-05/4:38 PM
PS-From the other string: LilMsLadyPoet: I'm sorry, but when I see the words 'socialism and civic responsibility'...'institutions' that 'collectively' mandate you help a worthless neighbor, that you OWE something to anybody who has his hand out, that your sweat, labour, and reward should be used to raise 'the collective' of people needing your assistance...well...I stop listening. Responsible citizenship, to me, does not mean "responsible to and for the citizens". zodiac: That's all well and good, and I'm as egotist (or egoist, I always forget which,) as the next guy. But what would you say if I suggested that your future is very much in the hands of those people you refuse to feed? (Don't believe me? What are you paying for gas recently?) What if the odds are very high that you or someone you know will be blown up by some worthless guy you didn't hand out to? Are handouts justfied if they might prevent that? I'd very much like to hear your answer.
Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/4:40 PM
Ok, it's a children's poem...I can get with that...until I saw that comment, I thought you were a retarded.
Re: You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/4:41 PM
RE: I'm sorry, but when I see the words 'socialism and civic responsibility'...'institutions' that 'collectively' mandate you help a worthless neighbor, that you OWE something to anybody who has his hand out, that your sweat, labour, and reward should be used to raise 'the collective' of people needing your assistance...well...I stop listening. Responsible citizenship, to me, does not mean "responsible to and for the citizens". Exactly what do you think welfare is?
Re: CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/4:44 PM
Definite points for saying "I need You, Baby" to Jesus. And you got a nice cadence going. Message is a bit plain and word choice seems forced, but still. "I need You, Baby".
Re: Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/4:49 PM
cute jabberwock, but didn't hold me.
Re: The Legend of the Crow by TLRufener	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/4:50 PM
Reads like a tortured synopsis.
Re: War (edit) by zodiac	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/4:53 PM
very odd.
Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/4:56 PM
first two stanzas are cute. third really breaks the flow in an unpleasant way.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/4:57 PM
I like the individual images, but they're too disjoint for me. There's supposed to be a contrast that creates a larger whole, but here it's more of three little hops that leave confused ripples in muddy water.
Re: Towards the Sun or The keeper of the bay they call a pond by somemorepoetry	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/4:59 PM
very much haiku in spirit. funny, I didn't get "A" or "V" in letters of geese, but then pictured the rest of the poem about their dropped feathers. hmm.
Re: end of the engagement by Mona Lisa	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/5:01 PM
feels like it's reaching further than it's grasped.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/5:02 PM
I like the first two lines. And the blank spot. :) If it wasn't really intentioned (hard to say), and the last few lines were more self-referential, I might like it more.
Re: I Remember Thinking by BrandonW	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/5:04 PM
How in the hell did I get here? What in the hell am I doing? I knew I shouldn't have gone to see you! How could I do this? -- I don't like those lines. I'm thinking up to that point, the piece might be okay if it were a bit more breathless. You pretty much completely lost me after that.
Re: I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/5:07 PM
up to "waited for you to invade dreams" flowed well for me, though "I tasted you in mind" started the downfall for me, I suppose. The beginning really needs an ending to make it exceptional, to me, and it doesn't get there.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/5:09 PM
The tense issues completely keep me out of this. As for punctuation, I'm a fan of using it grammatically in a poem. Three comes closest, for me.
Re: zimp by calliope	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/5:13 PM
too much fun. makes me want 'Milk Cult' background.
Re: logan st. by FreeFormFixation	nentwined 64.60.192.131	13-Dec-05/5:14 PM
crescendo? pimentos? cute, but doesn't make it for me.
Re: Static by wilco	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/6:16 PM
I'd like to get suggestions on the 4th verse..I don't particularly like it as is.
Re: Static by wilco	Dovina 17.255.240.206	13-Dec-05/6:23 PM
The cigarettes will not likely burn the exits, unless you mean they will burn exits (leave out the "the"). Isn't it too late after exits are burned to change our habits? Maybe, "because we never changed our habits."