Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.67	12-Dec-05/9:03 PM
This reminds me of some childrens poetry. The premise is cute; I know a Bri, who is a bit of an artist with stuff everywhere. But, that said...even childrens poetry should not be mundane...keep working at it and you'll have something of quailty to give them!
Re: Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy	zodiac 69.132.67.140	13-Dec-05/7:25 AM
Am I missing what the original song was?
Re: Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy	zodiac 69.132.67.140	13-Dec-05/8:09 AM
This reads like a Mondegreen, I don't know of what. On the surface it's, um, entrancing. As far as punctuation, drop the periods at the ends of lines 1, 3, 4, s2line3, s4line3, s7line4. Add periods s2line5 and s5line7. You might also consider a comma at the end of s2line3, s3line4, s4line3. Other than that, I'm afraid to comment, though I feel like you might have meant "snared" instead of "snarred", "Their" instead of "They're" in the same stanza, and another word besides "girthly". But who am I to say? 8th generation Irish-American, that's what.
Re: Unemployed by OneFingerAnswer	rahson_s 208.54.95.129	13-Dec-05/9:54 AM
Sounds like me.. Im feeling it,,
Re: Aurora & Eclipse by OneFingerAnswer	rahson_s 208.54.95.129	13-Dec-05/9:55 AM
i like... it takes me to a place that's dark... ro- www.utopiawright.com
Re: Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy	Dovina 66.13.145.210	13-Dec-05/9:58 AM
Why must you entertain us with such lyrical,but unintelligible talk? Can you not speak Ordinary sometimes? Iget only inklings of what you mean.
Re: CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 66.13.145.210	13-Dec-05/10:02 AM
I understand that you wish to share your Christian faith. I wish you would give it a little more thought before writing though. Most of these lines are trite. May I suggest reading CS Lewis, "Mere Christianity" for ideas on how to make your beliefs more digestable.
Re: CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	13-Dec-05/10:22 AM
Thanks for the applause! anyway, it was written way back in 1996, unedited. Good to know the approval of the presentation and context. Thank you.
Re: no title by candaliesa	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/1:12 PM
Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. This is a good starting point, now work on it and get better.
Re: Observer by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/1:17 PM
I think putting it in the past tense would definitely add to it. Also, I'm not really digging the last stanza (mainly the last line). First two stanzas are a 9 but the last drops it tro a 7.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/1:22 PM
I'd agree that the "doth and" "thee" ned to go. Also the driven snow line is kind of cliche. other than that, not too bad.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/1:26 PM
A haiku-pimple..interesting...a Pimpku? Unfortunately I don't care much for haiku and I absolutely hate pimples..sorry
Re: Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/1:44 PM
You could shorten this down, make it a little more cohesive and tight and have thre different poems.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/1:48 PM
I like the second one the best, I think but i'd lose the ellipses.
Re: I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/1:55 PM
To be honest, I didn't even realize this was you until I went back and looked to see who the writer was. I think you're selling yourself short here. I really thought this was done by one of our kiddieposters (albeit a more advanced one.)
Re: I Remember Thinking by BrandonW	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/2:12 PM
It's just that it's really just a letter to some chick..not really a poem.
Re: Miggy by Everyone	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/2:28 PM
Good lord, man, this must be a dastardly hoax perpetrated by The Man in an attempt to discredit Miggy as a serious poet and songwriter.
Re: You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet	zodiac 69.132.67.140	13-Dec-05/3:20 PM
(1) None of us has denied that there are very intelligent poor people and very stupid rich people. Personally, I'm glad you're smart. Our real difference of opinion is I hold that ON AVERAGE wealthy people are more intelligent than poor people ON AVERAGE. You've offered nothing to dispute that. (2) Naturally, IQ scoring is subjective. AlChemy and I have already pointed out how in the original string. I disagree with your other points in (2), for reasons I've already given. (3) But richer families are proven to be better at providing "stimulating, nurturing environments" ON AVERAGE. Again, I'm glad you had a good environment. But wealthier families are better able to afford an unemployed (or constantly available) parent, a nanny, or good childcare and preschool, while poorer families, traditionally, can't. I should add that my family is not one of those wealthier ones; my parents both worked long hours and extra jobs, and I got dumped in awful, spirit-crushing childcare most of my youth. At any rate, a nurturing environment does TYPICALLY cost money. (4) The average income of a Jordanian is $200 per month. With that amount, Jordanian families, although usually large, can afford to provide for all the basic necessities. In addition, most have satellite TV and many have their own cars. All that nonwithstanding, Jordan is a poor country - though the gap between Jordanians and, say, Americans in terms of both wealth and intelligence is HUGE. As is the gap between Jordanians and survivalists. (5) I've seen people pounding the earth with sticks for food. I've also seen these people: http://www.deere.com/en_GB/forestry/forestry_equipment/product_development/research.html . I guarantee you the bulk of the people running that have servants. (6) re "I get the impression from your statements that you believe all the poor to be of low intelligence in your Arab countries, as well as other poor countries." No. I believe most of them are, but that's beside the point. As far as this argument's concerned, I believe that ON AVERAGE Arabs are not as intelligent as Americans ON AVERAGE. That means, suppose the following Arabs score the following scores on a totally made up intelligence test: AHMAD - 8 MOHAMMAD - 10 HAMD - 2 TAMER - 4 SULTAN - 7 ...and the following Americans score these scores on the same made-up test: JOHN - 9 GARY - 9 STU - 2 VIRGIL - 5 LORENZO - 7 ...then ON AVERAGE Arabs have an intelligence of 6.2 and Americans have an intelligence of 6.4. This is what I believe to be the case. Does that mean Mohammad isn't smarter than all the Americans tested? No. Does it even mean that more Americans scored higher than 6 on the test than Arabs? No. That's all I'm saying. Sorry to belabor this, but poets seem to have a hard time getting averages. (7) The poor settlers coming to America probably innovated so much because almost immediately upon arriving in America they became much better off than they had been in their home countries. Keep in mind that they didn't innovate more than people today innovate; they just innovated more than other people at their time innovated. (8) I don't understand the rest of your comment (or see how it relates much to our topic.) I hope this explains my position better. Thanks for taking the time to debate! zodiac
Re: You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet	Dovina 17.255.240.206	13-Dec-05/3:44 PM
If you wish to debate zodiac, and I must admit he's strangly nonsensical game sometimes, please do not do it by posting a "poem." I gave you a 0, not because your areguments are bad (They are pretty good) but because it is not a poem. Thanks for listening.
Re: You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet	wilco 24.92.74.122	13-Dec-05/4:31 PM
That's a super story and you make some good points. However, you've got a couple of plot holes here. 1) Why was your mother on welfare while getting her Masters? I don't presume to know your family's situation, but why didn't she get a job? 2) You first present the option that people create and invent out of necessity. Then, later, you state that people who "might die tomorrow" won't do that. Do we all not cower under the possibility that we might die tomorrow?