DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 66536

One Moment to the Other (v3)

by nentwined

Member since 2001 · Posted 22 Sep 2003 · 13 comments

one moment to the other goes by way of circumstance; one moment from the other flows in slow inertial dance. one moment to the other, slight, is where we spend our worry-- 'tis but a brief and fancied flight that causes us our hurry. one moment to the other, long, is hardly there in memory: where once a moment boasted strong time scours clean as emery one moment and another pass, to and fro through consciousness, in spans too short or long to grasp... one moment here, one moment less.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.85 weighted 6.85 rank 319 views 770 View voting details →

33 votes so far. Yours would make 34.33 votes so far

A favorite of Been Here Before, nentwined, cpill.

13 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 23-Sep-03/7:19 AM Reply
I'm not keen on emery for some reason. I suspect the stanza would need to be revised to correct and I know what a pain that can be. otherwise, this flows much better.
[n/a] nentwined › INTRANSIT 23-Sep-03/7:21 AM Reply
can you believe the paucity of rhymes for memory? I tried and I tried and I tried and that's all I could think of. Then I found a rhyming dictionary and that's all *it* could think of, also. (mostly--it made up a few words, too).

thanks for the feedback. I will not give up. ;) :)
[9] INTRANSIT › nentwined 23-Sep-03/7:24 AM Reply
yeah, i know. i'm still racking my brain to make (fighting erosion) better in the third stanza. grrrr.
[n/a] nentwined › INTRANSIT 23-Sep-03/7:35 AM Reply
so small, so tight, so... :cough:

it's hard to get the flow just right.

I looked and tried

and another fairy died. :/
[n/a] ecargo › nentwined 23-Sep-03/7:29 AM Reply
"Emery" jarred me too--maybe dump the strict rhymes here and there and go for near rhymes? Would give you more options and richer word choices. Like the core idea of this a lot.
[n/a] nentwined › ecargo 23-Sep-03/7:34 AM Reply
You wouldn't have a pointer to a "near rhyme" online dictionary, would you? ;) My mind isn't working so well. I've lost my moments ;)

So the here is obvious; which there would you drop? I think the second stanza is next weekest, but couldn't think of anything to do with it.
[9] Shuushin 15-Jun-05/2:02 PM Reply
Very, very nice.

I'd like to see a span of beats, maybe 3 before that last word -

[9] Joshua_Tree 18-Jun-05/9:44 PM Reply
Try "time worn smooth by emery" and you have a very tight, almost technically perfect piece.
[10] Quarton 14-Sep-05/12:49 PM Reply
Excellent. The rhyme is unforced and content profound.
[6] zodiac 14-Dec-05/5:24 PM Reply
I checked onelook.com, search terms *mary, *mery, *mory, and *mury, and got:

GEMMARY, n. A receptacle for jewels or gems; a jewel house; jewels or gems, collectively.

GREMORY, in demonology, a strong Duke of Hell that governs twenty-six legions of demons. She tells all things past, present and future, about hidden treasures, and procures the love of women, young and old, but especially maidens. She is depicted as appearing in the form of a beautiful woman with the crown of a duchess tied around her waist, and riding a camel. Other spellings: Gamory, Gemory, Gomory

BLOMERY, n. (Manuf.) A furnace and forge in which wrought iron in the form of blooms is made directly from the ore, or (more rarely) from cast iron.

GRAMARY, magic; enchantment
(NOTE-http://phrontistery.info/ for obscure words. It's ace.)

NUMMARY, a. Of or relating to coins or money.

FLUMMERY, n, Meaningless or deceptive language; humbug. Any of several soft, sweet, bland foods, such as custard.

BUMMERY, n. See Bottomery. [Obs.] There was a scivener of Wapping brought to hearing for relief against a bummery bond. --R. North.

STEMMERY, n. A large building in which tobacco is stemmed

Also, SUMMARY, PRIMARY, INFIRMARY.

If you want to use an obscure word for the rhyme, try the Dylan trick of using the obscure word for the first appearance of the sound, followed by the obvious rhyme (rather than looking like you forced yourself to resort to an obscure word to finish the rhyme.)
[n/a] ALChemy 14-Dec-05/6:15 PM Reply
Simply change the line so "memory" is "memorable" and then change the last line so it ends with "ephemeral".
[n/a] nentwined › ALChemy 14-Dec-05/6:17 PM Reply
Huh.

That works pretty well.

Thanks. :)
[1] Edna Sweetlove 15-May-06/4:44 PM Reply
pretentious.