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One Moment to the Other (v3) (Free verse) by nentwined one moment to the other goes
by way of circumstance;
one moment from the other flows
in slow inertial dance.
one moment to the other, slight,
is where we spend our worry--
'tis but a brief and fancied flight
that causes us our hurry.
one moment to the other, long,
is hardly there in memory:
where once a moment boasted strong
time scours clean as emery
one moment and another pass,
to and fro through consciousness,
in spans too short or long to grasp...
one moment here, one moment less.
Up the ladder:
Liberty bells & Disney Land
Down the ladder:
with no words to write (v2)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.848485
Posted: September 22, 2003 8:11 PM PDT; Last modified: September 22, 2003 8:11 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.847865 Overall Rank: 319 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list: Been Here Before, nentwined, cpill Comments:
Very, very nice.
I'd like to see a span of beats, maybe 3 before that last word -
Try "time worn smooth by emery" and you have a very tight, almost technically perfect piece.
Excellent. The rhyme is unforced and content profound.
I checked onelook.com, search terms *mary, *mery, *mory, and *mury, and got:
GEMMARY, n. A receptacle for jewels or gems; a jewel house; jewels or gems, collectively. GREMORY, in demonology, a strong Duke of Hell that governs twenty-six legions of demons. She tells all things past, present and future, about hidden treasures, and procures the love of women, young and old, but especially maidens. She is depicted as appearing in the form of a beautiful woman with the crown of a duchess tied around her waist, and riding a camel. Other spellings: Gamory, Gemory, Gomory BLOMERY, n. (Manuf.) A furnace and forge in which wrought iron in the form of blooms is made directly from the ore, or (more rarely) from cast iron. GRAMARY, magic; enchantment (NOTE-http://phrontistery.info/ for obscure words. It's ace.) NUMMARY, a. Of or relating to coins or money. FLUMMERY, n, Meaningless or deceptive language; humbug. Any of several soft, sweet, bland foods, such as custard. BUMMERY, n. See Bottomery. [Obs.] There was a scivener of Wapping brought to hearing for relief against a bummery bond. --R. North. STEMMERY, n. A large building in which tobacco is stemmed Also, SUMMARY, PRIMARY, INFIRMARY. If you want to use an obscure word for the rhyme, try the Dylan trick of using the obscure word for the first appearance of the sound, followed by the obvious rhyme (rather than looking like you forced yourself to resort to an obscure word to finish the rhyme.)
Simply change the line so "memory" is "memorable" and then change the last line so it ends with "ephemeral".
Huh.
That works pretty well. Thanks. :)
pretentious.
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thanks for the feedback. I will not give up. ;) :)
it's hard to get the flow just right.
I looked and tried
and another fairy died. :/
So the here is obvious; which there would you drop? I think the second stanza is next weekest, but couldn't think of anything to do with it.