to move foward

Member since 2005 · Posted 14 Dec 2005 · 2 comments

stories of quiet streets boulevard running rubbish mountain shiny shoppy signs soon a spangle of marketable apartments move back this mortar mortuary the townhouse grows tidy next to a cement cemetary tonight your local slumlord sets gently his suede slippers eagerly awaits sugary sweets the st. nicholas signal but alas the mellow december morning brings a hammer too small and a lump of iron pyrite

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7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

2 comments

[7] nentwined 14-Dec-05/6:32 PM Reply

s1 -- fun
s2 -- more fun
s3 -- simple, straightforward, but fitting
s4 -- too straightforward in seeming, to me, even though I'm completely not getting line 4; flow seems off, as well, somehow.
s5 -- also not quite fun enough (maybe if you cut 'but alas'). Hmm.

[7] sliver 19-Dec-05/12:12 AM Reply

At least there's that.