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to move foward (Free verse) by ay deee
stories of quiet streets boulevard running rubbish mountain shiny shoppy signs soon a spangle of marketable apartments move back this mortar mortuary the townhouse grows tidy next to a cement cemetary tonight your local slumlord sets gently his suede slippers eagerly awaits sugary sweets the st. nicholas signal but alas the mellow december morning brings a hammer too small and a lump of iron pyrite

Down the ladder: Wreck of the Poor Anchor

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 30
.. 00
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.571429
Weighted score: 5.153681
Overall Rank: 5194
Posted: December 14, 2005 11:21 AM PST; Last modified: December 14, 2005 11:21 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] nentwined @ 64.60.192.131 | 14-Dec-05/6:32 PM | Reply
s1 -- fun
s2 -- more fun
s3 -- simple, straightforward, but fitting
s4 -- too straightforward in seeming, to me, even though I'm completely not getting line 4; flow seems off, as well, somehow.
s5 -- also not quite fun enough (maybe if you cut 'but alas'). Hmm.
[7] sliver @ 172.199.242.198 | 19-Dec-05/12:12 AM | Reply
At least there's that.
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