Re: Dashboard Jesus by wilco	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/3:50 AM
Cool, very sad but not overdramatic. I do like the last line, the double possibility of you talking to her or to Jesus, and the mirroring of the first two lines of stanzas 1 and 3. Good to have you back!
Re: LIFELINE by outofdarkness138	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/4:30 AM
This one's better than your other lyric, but I definitely agree with D. - leave out 'thee'. This isn't a Cohen masterpiece, so it doesn't fit the mood of the piece. 'A river inside breaks free' is a damn good line.
Re: Likeness by MacFrantic	ElmoBeavisButthead 64.12.116.14	19-Mar-06/5:19 AM
The poem was short but nice. The title I think should be renamed though..Other than that good job.
Re: My Resuscitating Love by Silverjackel	ElmoBeavisButthead 64.12.116.14	19-Mar-06/5:23 AM
I loved it honestly...Even though I don't know the second word in the title...
Re: REM Sleep by mystic enoch	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/9:58 AM
Interesting concept, and not as maudlin as many 'dream' poems.
Re: REM Sleep by mystic enoch	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	19-Mar-06/10:36 AM
When I was a kid I suffered from Night Terrors aka Sleep Terror Disorder aka Pavor Nocturnus. It is probably the most intense and scary kind of nightmare known to man and it doesn't go away after you wake up for another 10 or 20 minutes. Sometimes it helped if I went pee. So now I choose to do most of my dreaming while I'm awake and most of my peeing while I'm asleep. I guess dreams really do want to make my life better.
Re: Dashboard Jesus by wilco	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	19-Mar-06/10:45 AM
*NEW, from the people who brought you Dashboard Confessional.* Sorry man, I'm just in one of those smartass moods.
Re: Louwanda by Jeremi B. Handrinos	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	19-Mar-06/10:59 AM
I once saw a girl I was in love with get date raped by a jock at a party. I couldn't fight my way through the crowd of cheering onlookers to stop it. So I yelled "The cops are here!" and everyone scattered. Once the jock found out, he wanted to beat me to a pulp but my friend stepped in and he got beat into a bloody mess in my place. This poem of yours made me think of that. Ya'know, 'cause it's funny stuff.
Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.130.62.63	19-Mar-06/1:17 PM
Mark Twaint.
Re: Mid-July by Ranger	Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.130.62.63	19-Mar-06/1:20 PM
I unctiously clutched my eggs. I could tell Jesu was hungry and telepathically searching for burrows of yolk and peeps... Boulders would roll. He was hung, and ALIVE!
Re: Dashboard Jesus by wilco	Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.130.62.63	19-Mar-06/1:21 PM
into
Re: The Cracks in my Wall by Richard	Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.130.62.63	19-Mar-06/1:23 PM
Drop the soap.
Re: Never Love A Poet by Caducus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/2:31 PM
This just popped up on the random cycle, at last a decent poem to arrive through it! Ordinarily I'd read but not comment, but this has so many grand lines in...'I must feel seen' is quite astonishing even in its relative simplicity. And I can't really say how awesome I think stanza 3 is. I just can't. Superb.
Re: REM Sleep by mystic enoch	Dovina 12.72.23.241	19-Mar-06/4:14 PM
Sorry, but I can't see dreams having goals or plans. And I hardly think "refreshed" is descriptive of how I feel about all my dreams.
Re: Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/4:20 PM
D. - this is a kickass poem, serious yet amusing and the rhyme/rhythm scheme is almost flawless. 'The best of possible care' didn't quite fit right with my reading of this, but other than that, no faults. Is this related to the events in the news recently? I never did get round to checking that out like I meant to. Great poem anyway.
Re: Dashboard Jesus by wilco	Dovina 12.72.23.241	19-Mar-06/4:36 PM
Line three has an extra "the" and an inconsistently lower case "and." Line 4 needs a period, since the others do. And if you're into line-end commas, put one after s2l5. But the major stuff is really good.
Re: Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	INTRANSIT 205.188.117.10	19-Mar-06/5:02 PM
Uncharmed- is the best you can do at the end? Bah! 9.5 rounding down. If you have to rewrite the whole line, fix it.
Re: Louwanda by Jeremi B. Handrinos	INTRANSIT 205.188.117.10	19-Mar-06/5:04 PM
Sister of Towanda and Nuwanda, I'm sure.
Re: The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/5:43 PM
Personally I haven't ever tried sonnet writing, that's something I'll save for a rainy day, so to speak. But the comments you've received on this haven't been of any use, so let's see what can be said. I believe that sonnets (particularly Shakespearean sonnets) are supposed to be written in iambic pentameter. For a quick definition, look here: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=iambic+pentameter (hopefully the link will work) Some of the lines are nice, but you could be more creative with the rhymes. Rhyming is tough, far more than it seems - and the trick is to find really original and unexpected. Don't worry too much about getting exact rhymes, although 'life/fight' and 'boat/hope' are stretching it a little. Google search for an online rhyming dictionary - there are often a lot of rhymes for simple monosyllabic words which you'll see and think 'I knew that...why didn't I think of it first?' I certainly know I do. Errm, that'll have to do for now - it's pretty late here (or early, depending on when you usually wake up). Good luck with any revisions of this!
Re: Soccer by x0lovelylarnx0	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/5:46 PM
Yeah, I was playing earlier...getting fired up when the ref doesn't give a blatent foul...too true, too true. I get the impression that the old football - soccer - is taking off on the other side of the water, great to hear, but please don't start dominating this sport like you have everything else!