Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The Cracks in my Wall (Free verse) by Richard
I imagined a different Sunset ending this dreary day, Maybe more colors, more flavors, just more spice! I'm not hopeless, I hope, but I'm given to spats of terrible cruelty from time to time. Today, there was no change or modification to the plan, I was just supposed to be evil. There was the neighbors pet that I was due to punish, small pleasures to be had through visciousness. And the local disadvantaged, scrawny, hopeless, sad kid on the block needed some attention; just the prefunctory smacking around, no blood, just bruises. Theft, of the most common kind; candy bars, gum, small items slipped into gaping pockets. While purchasing the cheap refill of a fountain drink. Sweetness- It wasl also in the program to sneak away from the "Machine" of common programming. Did I tell you that I hate school? Not the typical hate, ignorance, or stupidy of most student bodies, but the hate of boredom. I don't feel challenged... So maybe today I thought that things would be different. It was sad to note that the neighbors pet had been hit by a car and was unavailable for torment. The next crimp in my plan came as a shock when I found that the sad soul of the kid I wanted to pick on was already in hell. Seems suicide was the path he chose to walk today. What a short walk to a nowhere destination, can this be remorse I feel? To complicate matters, it seems my theft was noted along with my truancy. I never knew the backseat of a police car smelled so bad... I guess you could say I wished I could have seen the Sunset, But all I have are these cracks in the wall to stare at...

Up the ladder: levered 'n loved

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Weighted score: 5.0476813
Overall Rank: 6863
Posted: March 18, 2006 7:47 PM PST; Last modified: March 18, 2006 7:47 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 19-Mar-06/3:48 AM | Reply
Ugh, I don't like this kid, but I do like the poem. Particularly the spice in the sunset, very vividly done.
A couple of suggestions - there are a few typos in here, 'viciousness', 'was' (line 15), 'neighbo(u)r's'. Also, I would have added one more violent-themed activity just to complete the distasteful character.
I love 'Today there was no change...I was just supposed to be evil'.
[2] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.130.62.63 | 19-Mar-06/1:23 PM | Reply
Drop the soap.
172 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001