leonxic
on Musical Buttocks - Cha cha cha by Edna Sweetlove
21 Sep 2006, 10:26 AM
I'm in complete agreement with you, although you failed to mention the large amount of fecal matter that inspired Beethoven's Symphony 'Number 2' in D Major.
How 17th century of you. There's a very nice flow to this and the word choice is perfect.
"Ohhhhh, if you want possession, it's just 'ITS', but is you want a conjunction, it's 'IT apostrophy S' ... scalawag."
Very nice.
Could do with a run through the spellcheck.
10/10 for tragic garbage.
You appear to be ill.
Illiterate drivel.
puerile.
Women have all the fun. I wish I was one. I'm going to the dentist. 9/10.
starts off rocking and twists to sinister and disturbing scenes in what is possibly an exceedingly powerful and subtle poem ... or is it a creative writing project-excercise-thing ? if so it's still a lot of fun
Not much there.
Hey Amanda, sorry I've not yet replied to your email. I will though, bear with me!
This seems very much like a short psalm; lyrical and dramatic. I'd split line 2 into two (finish on 'night'), and finish line 3 on something other than '-ing' (give it a word with a strong ending). Still nice, needs music methinks :-)
Half.italian, another good poem! Original, lyrical and thoughtful. "Bones rubber a bit.." is great! I'm not crazy about "...fly tipsy...", but I also love the last three lines. The point is: it's not "the usual." It's a fresh, UNusual way of looking at a subject, with fresh, unusual word choices. Nice job.
I kind of liked the first few stanzas, but it just got worse as it went on, and then worse again until the final cliche ruined it entirely.
This is beautiful, although complex. I'm seeing a beggar finding a coin in the first passage, not sure about the swan yet but this is one of those poems which I want to come back to and keep reading. Reminds me of Sunny's poems actually - http://www.poemranker.com/user-browse.js
The story's told well enough, but it's not a hugely gripping tale. Kind of made me think of this: http://lyrics.duble.com/lyrics/H/harry-c
everthing and then some. well said. keep riding them waves of life with vigor and with dreams. to god be all the glory. x
It starts off in an intimate detail of moments that the poet holds dear, then builds up into a climax of successive emotions and expressions of life. On Dovina's comment, yes we do all experience most of those things but isn't that what we've been given to experience? And by reading someone else's experiences and knowning these feelings and things for ourselves, does this not make us relate to the poem so much more?Isn't this what life is all about? To experience life by ourselves and with others? To be?
So Flock, you were, you are and you will be because you have. Awesome poem.
Continue living life to the fullest for it's been given with the greatest love. x
Line 4 - reduce to just 'descend'
Line 22 - change round to 'He opens new doors' (sounds incredibly forced at the moment)
Last line...'big bad' is a little trite, this poem needs a killer endline to really knock us for six.
I have to say, though, I'm glad to see you posting again - it's good to be able to rely on someone to post lighthearted and all-round nice poetry :-)