Re: Normality by colbaby	Ranger 86.142.242.175	21-Sep-06/10:49 AM
The finest 'Vulgar Poeme' on poemranker, at least of those I've read recently. Line two needs tweaking, the rhythm's out slightly. 'I've lost another shoelace in this giant vat of beer' 'You've made me drop my salad and you've burnt my slice of cow' 'It's nothing new for me to be content with talking shit' !!!!! Please keep posting :-D
Re: You by amanda_dcosta	A_Dark_Calm 71.75.188.163	21-Sep-06/11:05 AM
Reminds me of my girlfriend Lola. She's my angel.
Re: Weather poem part 6: idols by nypoet22	Ranger 81.151.9.5	21-Sep-06/1:48 PM
I was going to hold commenting on anything else until tomorrow, but this can't wait. 'Damned impressive' doesn't really do justice to it; the concept at least is worthy of top scores. If you could intersperse a few more rhymes among the verses (just like I've done there ;-) ) I think it would flow so much quicker. Also think a certain amount of revision needs to take place with the metric consistency, but I love love love the content. Particularly the end, but I think that generally this is the best I've seen of yours.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	21-Sep-06/1:49 PM
Some cool, fresh imagery in this. I think you could drop the first two stanzas without losing much and instead start with the stronger, more original "Consider that I found you . . .". The last two stanzas are ace.
Re: Soup Can by oneglove	ecargo 167.219.88.140	21-Sep-06/1:51 PM
Was it earth all along? ;-D Sorry--just saw Planet of the Apes (the original, not the Marky Mark version) again. There's sort of an odd melancholy to this that works, though some of the lines fall a little flat. Why "Soup Can"?
Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	ecargo 167.219.88.140	21-Sep-06/2:22 PM
"solar flowers threw their manes around/with total disregard"--nice, especially the play on flowers/flares (in my mind anyway!). Didn't have time to do more than skim this (have a kayak race to train for and scant hours of sunlight left) but will def come back to it tomorrow.
Re: Butterfly Belly, Orchid Face by Sunny	dvincent 71.109.114.41	21-Sep-06/2:55 PM
Hello Sunny. You have real telent and strong sense of imagey and lyrical writing. Keep at it!
Re: In the hollow (rough) by ecargo	elderking 172.194.201.130	21-Sep-06/3:30 PM
gramma's house for summer vacation...your words took me there. I was 10 again for just a moment. Very good.
Re: Normality by colbaby	colbaby 203.166.96.239	21-Sep-06/4:53 PM
Bullseye. That line two has bugged me for ages. I love it nonetheless even though the rhythem stinks. I'll see what I can do. Such perception. I do skim sometimes and miss the point entirely. Case in point the recent Spider one. I thought it was about boobs and babies!
Re: Weather poem part 6: idols by nypoet22	pete 195.92.168.168	21-Sep-06/4:58 PM
..... and the best part by far so far imho
Re: Soup Can by oneglove	pete 195.92.168.168	21-Sep-06/5:17 PM
my sense of perspective and viewpoint got scrambled between verses 3 and 4; chilling finale and knockout opening... not conviced by self-rhyme of along, though...v3 seems a little clumsy
Re: if really its me by Landon2	pete 195.92.168.168	21-Sep-06/5:30 PM
know the feeling :)! ... reads like it should be spoken over beats. If not, i'd introduce more rests and split some lines into 2 or 3 .....
regarding some deleted poem...	nypoet22 65.10.92.48	21-Sep-06/8:06 PM
i like this very much. at first i accidentally read the first line as the title and the second line as the first. i think it would be even better than it is if that were in fact the case. remember 7th street in the rain (without the first remember me) would be a much stronger beginning. likewise, the last stanza doesn't need the line "please remember" - the repetition does nothing for this poem in either case. otherwise, abosulutely wonderful.
regarding some deleted poem...	elderking 172.192.82.183	21-Sep-06/9:42 PM
it couldn't have been said better.
regarding some deleted poem...	colbaby 203.166.96.236	21-Sep-06/11:02 PM
What an unfortunate predicament. I suggest a better choice of partner.
Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	Ranger 86.142.240.156	22-Sep-06/3:12 AM
I bearded the Lord with a cross Like a goatee, but wooden; it cost Very little to build And the Jews were all thrilled With our saviour's most stylish new moss
Re: Field Of Surnames by Caducus	Ranger 86.142.240.156	22-Sep-06/3:18 AM
A lot of this has a strong rhythm of ONE-two-three-FOUR, very musical and very easy to read. Where it deviates, it gets more difficult.
Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.251.213	22-Sep-06/8:27 AM
I think I read this before and said it was bollocks. It still is.
regarding some deleted poem...	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.251.213	22-Sep-06/8:28 AM
Better than being full of someone else's sperm.
Re: You by amanda_dcosta	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.251.213	22-Sep-06/8:29 AM
I love doggerel. But onky talented doggerel. Which this is not.