regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 203.91.86.6	20-Sep-06/7:31 AM
I'm in two minds about this. On the one hand, it's a good parody of self-indulgent misery. On the other hand, as a recovered sad bastard myself, I think that writing sad poetry can be genuinely therapeutic, so I'm reluctant to mock it, or to endorse mockery of it ... provided that the sad poet doesn't assume that writing such poetry gives them the right to be taken more seriously than they otherwise would be.
Re: Constipation by colbaby	colbaby 220.233.180.7	20-Sep-06/7:46 AM
Ranger, here way down south in the backwashes of civilisation I was brought up on Faulty Towers, The Goon Show, Pot Black and The Carry On Crew. Not to mention Dave Allen. Therein lies my piece, English Humour. Where would I be without it? England is still my mother the-joke's-on-us country. Even though I'm seventh generation antipodean ignoramis, let me entertain you anyway. I'm sure the royal family would be amused. I know I am, along with several million others of my countrymen.
Re: Staring through you by creepshow	ecargo 167.219.88.140	20-Sep-06/10:12 AM
Wow--hope that released some of the obvious animosity. If you peel away some of this, you'd have the makings of a decent "fuck you" zombie poem.
Re: Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	ecargo 167.219.88.140	20-Sep-06/10:16 AM
"Fare price" as in a pun on fair with the connotation of travel (i.e., to heaven)? If so, it might be a little overplayed with 3 repetitions as well as the title. It is a good topic for poetic examination. I wrote an Xmas poem once like this, something like "you'd think these shelves held souls--buy now! We'll throw in sanctity/and absolution, absolutely free!" So I get what you're saying here, I think.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	20-Sep-06/10:22 AM
Some really cool lines and good sustained and often creepy imagery. Why "Back Widow"? Did you mean "black"? I really like "I make my rooms" (not sure why that struck me so strongly, but it did). Deposited like pearls might be "seeded like pearls" (a spider laid eggs on a leaf in my garden this spring, and when the baby spiders emerged, they looked like tiny seed pearls that would writhe into motion when you blew on them). This has an almost melodramatic edge to it, but it seems to work.
Re: The Surfer's Prayer by flock	ecargo 167.219.88.140	20-Sep-06/10:26 AM
This has a nice simplicity in rhythm and tone. Watch your cliches (e.g., sea of troubles).
Re: Rain by flock	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/12:14 PM
Nice.
Re: The Surfer's Prayer by flock	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/12:18 PM
This would be excellent if you could put some more deep, rolling words in to imitate the sound of the sea. Last stanza is nice, although the last line seemed short (not a huge problem though). As ecargo says, beware cliches :-)
Re: In the hollow (rough) by ecargo	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/12:26 PM
Love the content, don't love the mixed stresses at the line ends (you can tell I've been reading about this stuff, can't you? Credit/blame must go to Stephen Fry) - you could get away with all feminine endings in the first stanza (representing the little girl) but in stanza 2 where you talk about 'hard hands' and 'jagged voices' I'd make the line end sharply. Can't complain about the imagery though, and the language, as always, is beautiful :-)
regarding some deleted poem...	pete 195.92.168.165	20-Sep-06/3:19 PM
hi, i was well impressed by yr flow poem , totally right on but more like a straight definition and idea rather than an actual poem...this one is one of the very few that totally gripped me...thanx..keep-em-coming..(necessary juice jarred a bit and trivial spelling error caused a hiccup)
Re: Once they were gliders. by half.italian	dvincent 71.109.114.41	20-Sep-06/3:19 PM
Half.italian Your imagery and lyrical cadences are great -- "Hack along making tin out of silience." "gutter up and sigh in turn." That's good, vivid and musical language. One thing I just realized that I think would help this. You should have named it simply "Cars" and in the second line where you say the word "cars" maybe changed that to "coupes" (the choked up coupes)or "sedans" or "wagons" or... not sure. Anyway, very nice poem.
Re: Farewell, Kind Lover by Dovina	dvincent 71.109.114.41	20-Sep-06/3:27 PM
I just had to comment on one phrase, "...sprouts feeling the sky for {a} twist of updraft" Very clean and unique. Sorry for inserting the "a". That's the only change I would have made. Good work.
Re: In the hollow (rough) by ecargo	dvincent 71.109.114.41	20-Sep-06/4:30 PM
Ecargo This is nice, dreamy, lyrical poem with some intersting memories and vivid descriptions. And you've gone for the fine detail, the wonderful small things (... brown, bare legs...crosshatched with careless priker scrapes..." and (...tapping in and out, double-time running hollows..) We don't often think about these, but they're what makes the poem a very intimate and honest expereince. You also have some choices that are a little too easy (e.g. we think of them right away) "...hard hands and jagged voices..." "pussy-willow spring..." "sang their soft night songs..." These have no suprise or punch. Hold out for the fresh surprises, not the "usual". Good poem!
Re: Constipation by colbaby	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/4:59 PM
This is charming indeed. I am tempted to give 10/10 but 9 will have to do, mainly because you omitted any mentioned of the joy of a self-administered soapy enema.
Re: Constipation by colbaby	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/4:59 PM
This is charming indeed. I am tempted to give 10/10 but 9 will have to do, mainly because you omitted any mentioned of the joy of a self-administered soapy enema.
Re: Quatrain by ALChemy	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:01 PM
No.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:02 PM
Slop.
Re: Ellipses by MacFrantic	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:03 PM
You have shown promise here. But this is total ratshit.
Re: The Surfer's Prayer by flock	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:04 PM
What the "Lord" has to do with it, I really D.K.
Re: Jesus by Sing4Jesus!	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:05 PM
Hilarious. You are clearly demented.