I think this is beautiful - but, some of the line splits through me a little and I had to read them a few times - tighten it a bit and it will be perfect. I give you a 9 - 10 when it's revamped. Send this out - it's worthy....

rather sweet, could do with a couple of original images to grab the reader.

Excellent sonnet. A whimsical sadness. I give it a 9

Did I ever tell you about the time that I ate a quarter pound of ass in return for an all year pass to loom world?

I wouldn't know, I'm a bottom.

This reminds of that time... When I was born... A magical nurses' mask said... And everyone fucking laughed at me.

I really like how you worded your last two lines. Solid work.

objective / sujective points of view linked as one to see things truly as they are... sense of dual inner/outer nature is just a veil of illusion used to seperate our existance from the earth, a place of suffering, misery that we our conditioned to blame hopelessly on our planet rather then our very own creation of nature ... the mass truly fooled by central powers of government/authority around the world... that are viewed as 'important' and should be listened too, like our true nature is set to destroy everything of importance if no authority existed to control it... in truth is just a projection of what authority and power is slowly manifesting... destruction of earth-----laugh my ass off

You spelled "Secret" wrong.

-9

"and shall be not be not be not be not be at rest," ? I'm a wierdo- despite that this poem confuses me. (or was that your intention?) Blessed with seven.

I've always known god to be the biggest clown ever. Blessed with nine.

Your not annoying joe.. your boring at best- annoying people are direct and offensive, arrogant and at times stubborn. They also speak with sizzling attitude- this piece is like listening to a rigidly formal twit who reveals only a slight amount of pompousness that seems amazingly humble. Joe, when you pick a topic/character basis for a poem, try to become the character in the poem.. which definately requires you to exclude any of your own assumptions or mental attributes.

ha! what a dork. Not God, you. -8-

"Jesus's magic" lol.

I'm sorry, what did men sucking their own dicks have to do with the rest of the poem? Were you, you know, doing that....?

Romantic, no? hm.. though, I can't help but think this was inspired by sex...?

Although there are some akward/forced moments in the second half of this piece(e.g. "the blade replaced god")your vivid imagination remains well in tact here. The 1st 3 verses are extremely well worded....I thought you were on your way to a 10 as I was reading but the poem kind of fizzled out a bit in the last 3 verses. Again, I continue to be facinated by the obsession so many on this site have with Jesus and Catholicism. It seems that those who do not "believe" have more to say about Jesus than those who do. Very interesting phenomenon...don't you agree. I hope all is well with you Dreamer..it's been some time since we've spoken. Peace......Joe

I once knew this girl that wanted me to stick my foot in her vagina,and I did, but I could never look at her without laughing again, so that kind of sucked.

another in the Shuushin style, great to read n better to hold dear to keep