sounds more like a craving to me - wud never call it love

more like you'd be crazy, cold and wishing you be dead.

Lets Dream me giving you a ten not a nine

ok u have my attention on this one - hows abt a freakin 10

you should get those pains checked out mister

Old ground but nevertheless a well textured poem, reads well, mature style I think. One of your best.

You could at least have made an effort.

A bit sparse, but I like its balladesque style, rushes through nicely.

'I have you trapped now' seemed a little odd. Can girls do that? Other than that OK, there is a certain sadness underneath all the clumsiness.

Liberal use of religious language gives this a certain place. But the stabbing the priest bit, yes it is extreme but why did it happen? The mood seems resigned rather than violent up until then. And why 'husbands stilletos'

A joke at the expense of rap language? the first line is the best I think, funny

Can it [love] be blue? Well yes, on film it can. Having said that love in this situation can be rather euphemistic.

did a schizophrenic write this?

true 2 the font that ye typed

Certainly a nice idea - but the execution... Despite Richa's [everpresent] sour tone, I agree with him.

I liked "and well-thumbed rosary" but not the repeated noun. Same with stiletto. I like the characterization lots, you know, that you gave her a name.

yep. thats a pimple alright. good ending.

Could be cute I guess...depending on the way it's arranged...but lyrically, standing on it's own, it's just a bit too odd for my taste. (but then, that's only my taste...)

It starts really strong I think, then seems to lose momentum and organization. I really like the lines “You wear your ego like a cape”, and “you smile like a new disguise afraid to look me in the eyes.” And “like a rose with too much sun petals wither an come undone” A couple of suggestions: It might be helpful to re-arrange breaks to add some structure, for example (made a couple of grammatical suggestions in brackets too): You wear your ego like a cape. a regal cloak, a vane escape. You[r] smile, like a new [disguise] afraid to look me in the eyes. From this point on, it gets kind of confusing, feels almost as though phrases are missing, you may want to add a touch here and there to give the reader some guidance. All in all I enjoyed your imagery, but needed more to really connect with what is going on in the work.

I think you wrote this very effectively. You keep presenting cetain images and pacing an layering certain word together in order to keep the reader drawn in. Sometimes that's hard to do with this type of poem.